You are here

Nemy - waiting for the right time to have sex

African girl smiling
Photos are used for illustrative purposes. They do not imply health status or behaviour.

I am 17 and still a virgin. I've just completed high school, and as much as I've been in situations where it could easily have happened, I have never ever allowed it to.

The first guy who initiated it, when I was only 14, almost succeeded, but I kept on remembering my values and the principles I had set for myself. He was totally wrong for me anyway, definitely not the kind of man I wanted to give that special part of myself to. Since then, my mind never wavered regarding the matter. I am guilty however, of having led a couple of guys on, despite knowing I would never do it.

Now I have met a wonderful guy, we first set eyes on each other 2 years ago. He is sweet, caring and really loves me. However, the issue of sex has come up again. I am not ready to go all the way. As much as I feel I can't wait for marriage, I also feel it would be worth the wait. I have told him of my concerns, at first he understood but now claims he's been waiting for me and only me, we would get married later etc.

He's already occupied a manly role in my life, at just 18. It still doesn't change my mind. I know I might disappoint him, but my virginity feels like that one thing that adds tremendous value to my life.

What we say: Sex is a very personal thing. Only you can decide when the time is right to do it for the first time. There are a lot of wrong reasons to have sex, and being pressured into it is one of them. Like Nemy, you may not be ready. Talking with your partner or friends about how you’re feeling can help you feel more in control and at ease about the situation. For further information, check out our Am I ready for sex? page.

Personal Stories Disclaimer: These personal stories have been submitted to us anonymously by individuals who use our site. Some of the stories have been edited for clarity purposes. Some names have been changed to protect identities.

HELP US HELP OTHERS is helping to prevent the spread of HIV and improve sexual health by giving people trusted, up-to date information.

We provide all this for FREE, but it takes time and money to keep going.

Can you support us and protect our future?

Every contribution helps, no matter how small.

Photo credit: © 

Last updated: 01 October 2019