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Deyton - sex and your religion

young woman with big smile
Photos are used for illustrative purposes. They do not imply health status or behaviour.

Growing up, I've always been sheltered by my mother, who was a single parent that raised me in deep Christian and modest values. Before I entered the world of college, I was one of those individuals strongly against sex before marriage. In my mind set, abstinence was always the way to go, and the idea of sex made me feel immature and uncomfortable.

However, as I hit the world of college, I was a thousand miles plus an ocean away from my mother's watchful eye and protection. I became fascinated with such freedom, and learning that the hook-up culture pretty much governed college life, I found myself pressured against by the norms. I mean I was already 18, and I hadn’t lost my virginity yet. It wasn't a bad thing, and I knew I wanted to wait for that special moment, but unfortunately that wasn't what happened.

In the beginning of the school year, this one guy and I hung out A LOT. We pretty much were on and off, and at some point, we were alone in his dorm hanging out because his roommate went elsewhere that night. We were talking for the longest time, and I felt that he wanted to do more. He tried to pull the first move in leaning over to make out with me, and made many attempts, but I blocked it. But after a while, I found that blocking his moves were driving me insane as well because I wanted him more and more. Finally, I gave in and we made out, and making out leads to other things. No joke, the guy will pull moves, and if you're feeling it, you let him proceed forth with his night-agenda.

As we hit the bases, we somehow ended up with both our clothes on the floor and I gave him a blow-job. It wasn't the first time, but at this point, I knew that I was tired of just doing that. He was a virgin too, so I thought that because we messed around a few times, that it would be okay to have both our virginities taken by each other. At the moment, it felt like it all added up, and the whole being the good innocent Christian girl slipped my mind. When he was getting the condom after I asked, I couldn't help but also think for a quick moment that this was the moment, a milestone in my life where I would lose my virginity and sin, go against my values. But the urge to be on another train was way stronger, so he came back with the condom, and I was hell of ready to go all the way that night.

He put the condom on, and I was on top. Foreplay was really important because it made it easier for him to slide in me without blood being involved. The first couple of tries were discouraging because his penis would not go in. He tried, I tried, and after a seemingly endless amount of times, I felt the ridiculousness of it. The next moment I felt his penis in line with my vagina, I slipped it in. That was probably one of the sorest things I've experienced, but it wasn't the worst compared to the second time. Once it was in, he tried to thrust in and out, but that was probably not the smartest thing for him to do since it burned real bad. It did so for a bit, but kind of went away. And when his penis finally went in, I thought I bled, but I didn't.

We weren't dating or going out after that, he considered it a ‘friends with benefits’ thing. It was kind of hard to accept in the beginning, but after time it got better. I didn't cry, but the only regret was that we weren't emotionally tied. It was good in a way though because we were each other's first. Wasn't that long either, but we both knew that we didn't have to worry about STDs. So make sure you folks also consider the health side effects since that is important too and wear protection ALWAYS.

What we say: Your first time may not be overly romantic and it may even be awkward or painful. Sex can hurt during the first couple of times. Like Deyton, it may not work out exactly how you want it to – and that’s OK! Relationships are tricky, and they take time to develop. By using a condom Deyton didn’t have to worry that she had got an STI or become pregnant. If you’ve had sex without a condom it’s important to get tested for HIV and other STIs, especially if your partner is having sex with other people. For more information, check out our Am I ready for Sex? and How to have Sex pages.

*These personal stories have been submitted to us anonymously by individuals who use our site. Some of the stories have been edited for clarity purposes. Some names have been changed to protect identities.

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Last updated: 01 October 2019