5 steps to having good sex on your first time

17 August 2017

So, you’ve decided to take that step and have sex for the first time?

We know the idea of ‘losing it’ can be nerve-wracking, but this needn’t take the enjoyment out of having sex. Whether you’re straight, gay or anything in between – we’ve some top tips to help ensure your first time is fun and enjoyable.

1.    Be ready!


This may seem like a bit of a no-brainer, but it really is the most important point of all. Are you ready?

Sex – beyond being a completely natural, physical activity – is an emotional one as well. Nerves can take over, for you or your partner, and it’s totally normal to feel a bit overwhelmed.

If you’re nervous, take a minute to think about if this is what you want right now, that you aren’t feeling pressured, and that it’s with someone you trust.

You may feel a lot of expectations relating to sex, but let’s be honest – it often doesn’t live up to the hype on the first go. It may be difficult to work out where everything goes, it may hurt a little or even end before you know it!

While feeling emotionally ready is essential, being prepared with protection will do wonders to put your mind at ease and increase enjoyment. Along with using condoms to protect yourselves from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unwanted pregnancy, some water-based lube will help things move a bit more smoothly.

Our section on condoms will teach you both how to use them.

2.    Consent


There’s nothing more enjoyable than making sure both partners actually want to have sex.

Keep talking with your partner, let them know how you’re feeling, what’s working and what’s not. It’s OK to change your mind, and if at any point either one of you is feeling uncomfortable then take a breather and try again when you’re both ready.

Remember, if one partner is drunk or feeling pressured this also does not count as ‘consent’. The best thing to do is communicate. Ask each other how you’re feeling along the way and this is an easy one to tick off the list of ways to enjoy sex.

3.    Know about the different kinds of sex


Sex is sex, right? Well no, not really. Sex can mean different things to different people and there a few different ways you can 'have sex'.

Oral sex, for example, is when you use your mouth to lick and suck the other person’s genitalia. Vaginal sex refers to sex where the penis goes into the vagina, and anal sex refers to when the penis enters the anus. Generally though, when people talk about ‘having sex for the first time’, they refer to having vaginal or anal sex.

While the mechanics of these may all be a little different, the lead-up, isn’t so different (don’t worry, see the next point for more info on this).

However you choose to experience your first time, be aware that condoms are the only way to 100% protect yourself from HIV, STIs and unwanted pregnancy. Check out our how to have sex pages for more tips on protection.

4.    Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay!


In the lead up to your first time, you may spend a lot of time worrying about the ‘end result’. While this is natural, spending as much time as possible on foreplay can really help both you and your partner enjoy sex and reduce the risk of it hurting the first time!

Foreplay is anything that helps to get you and your partner properly ‘turned on’ before you have penetrative sex. Kiss, feel, lick and stimulate your partner as much as possible so you feel into it and ready for the next step.

This also makes the mechanics of sex easier. If a man is turned on, his penis should be erect so that it can more easily enter the anus or the vagina, depending on the type of sex you are having. Women are turned on when they are ‘wet’ down there, which acts as a natural lubricant so that the penis can slide inside more easily.

Anal sex is always a little easier when you have lots of lubricant to hand – just make sure it’s a water-based lubricant as an oil-based lubricant can cause condoms to break.

Also, fun little secret, you don’t need sex to orgasm (cum)! In fact, a lot of people don’t actually get to penetrative sex because they have too much fun along the way.

5.    TALK to each other


Sex should be fun! One way to ensure that this happens is to keep communicating with your partner.

Some things may not feel good – so you may want them to slow down or stop. Other things may feel amazing and you may want your partner to continue doing those things! You may like it when your partner touches you in a particular area, you may find you prefer it slow, or fast... but how are they to know unless you communicate it with them in some way?

Use physical clues – moan lightly, give them a knowing smile or whisper in their ear. Or you can just say: ‘Yes, more of that please!’
You get our point.

More often than not, your partner will LOVE the fact that they are turning you on in some way, and it will turn them on more. So let them know how you’re feeling, and ask them to do the same.

Whether it’s your first time you’re having sex, or your 100th time, each time you may want something different, so talking is the best way to get that across!

Written by Caitlin Mahon

Content Specialist - HIV & Sexual Health