Anon, 14

I turned 14 just yesterdaii when i found out i had HIV  , now this broke my heart as i knew the dangers of hiv .... i knew the outcome ..... i knew what would happen..... the first the thing that entered my head was DEATH.

when the docter told me i froze for about 5 seconds then bent my head and cryed .. i looked at my mom and her eyes were full of tears.

you see i've heard ppl bad mouth hiv and up untill yeterdai i thought the only way of receiving HIV was sexually .... but i was wrong !!

i recived HIV through breastfeeding from my mom and my mom recived it through a blood transfusion.
and the person who had HIV recived it through ... well i dnt know.

from the age of 9 i was told all the medication and hospital visits were because of my weight and ect ...

so its like saying my parents lied .... but they didnt , they were protecting me and my feelings.

basiclly this whole story is to tell ppl as young as me that HIV is not at all deadly and will not effect your life.
and if you only just found out and u thought u were sick for another reason ...well try not to be mad at your family cos its not there fault ...

just put it this way .. its not the end of the WORLD ... imagin how ur FAMILY feel and staii strong !

god is with u all the way x
 
hope u understand and acknoledge this story xxxxx

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Vannessa

Hello my name is vanessa and I don't care if everybody fines out that I have HIV. I am 15 years old I was born in Bronx New York I Moved to california when I was 5 then just recently I moved to Maryland.

I am here today to tell you about my life having HIV I was born with it. My mother found out when I was 2 years old because one day I had little tiny balls in my stomach and my mother was worried so she took me to the doctors. The doctors took a blood test to my mother, sister, and me me and my mom came out positive my sister was negative.

Today in days I live a normal life but I have to drink meds everyday my mother told me when I was 7 that I had hiv and I couldn't tell anyone. Today I don't care if everbody knows I have that cuz I like to educate people around the world.

Thank you for reading my story

From vanessa

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Nic

My name is Nic, and I'm 15 years old. I've lived with HIV since I was 11, and everyday I wonder why the hell I had to screw up my life like that. You see I got involved with some heavy stuff, and I started using IV drugs. Not on a regular basis but you know here and there.

A good friend of my family's was a cop and he knew something was up. He follwed me one night to the man I got my drugs from and they busted him and me. It was later discovered that he had HIV. I got tested, and when they came back I was crushed. I couldn't live like that, didn't want to. So I took a knife to my wrist, and tryed to kill my self. My brother was the one to find me lying there on the bathroom floor. I was told later that I had died.

My family decided to move later that year, a fresh start they said, a chance to forget the past. I started a new school, in 7th grade. I sat in choir (was I really going to be this connected to the world again) and I felt alive for the first time in years. I went through life just a normal teen aged girl, one who had to take her meds lest she die.

The start of our freshman year I told my best friend that I was positive, and I was terifyed of how she would react. I was shocked when she laughed and said it's not such a big world after all. She told me she had been raped by a HIV pos. man and that the test had also come back positive.

When ever I feel down I know I can pick up the phone and call her. I know I have someone to talk to. But you know the question I ask myself everyday. Why the hell? Why did I do what I did? People don't make my mistakes. Don't be stupid. Live life to the fullest and never give up on your dreams. I know I haven't. I wake up every morning and I tell myself that I'm going to live one more day if only to see my friends embarass themselves again, or to walk down the hall at school screaming rock songs at top my lungs. I know that oneday, before my time, I will die, but I have atoned for my sins, and I plan to life a live that is as full as I can make it.

Be safe. Be smart, and live a full life!

--------------------------------Nic, 15, MI

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Anon, 15

Well I'm 15 and I've been HIV positive since I was born. I first found out about it when i was 10. I've been taking meds ever since I can remember. My mom used to always tell me they were just vitamins. So I believed it cuz I didnt really eat a lot of vegetables and i was kinda skinny so it did sound reasonable.

Later when i was like 10 my mom told me that i had a virus and she told me the whole story about how HIV works. As soon as she told me this I knew what it was but I didnt want to say anything. So when i had my next appointment (i have one every 6 weeks) they all decided to tell me. The doctor said i took it rather well.

At first it didn't really take an impact on me but now when i hear people being so ignorant about people with HIV it just annoys me so much and even though i correct them they still keep going at it. I try to control myself but it gets me mad. So far i have told no one about my situation but i think i should tell one of my friends so she could be supportive about it.

Learning I'm HIV positive changed my life in the way that i knew i had to take my medicine but i've always had trouble swallowing pill and i had to take one that was big. So my doctor told me the only way for me to take my medications without having to swallow was to get a G-tube.. IT didnt bother me at first but as i started middle school it did start ot bother me because i came more beware of my appearance. I kept that tube until i was 14.

Since i got my g-tube removed i've been doing bad on taking the medication. I kinda gave up on it all.

Thats my story

AVERT.org: It can be very hard to have to take pills every day when you find them so hard to swallow. However, it can't be stressed enough how important it is to keep taking the tablets, so if there's any way you can train yourself to be able to swallow them then you should try to do so. There are some good suggestions here and here.

Things can seem very hard and very unfair when you're young and HIV positive. But is absolutely worthwhile staying healthy and taking your meds - you never know what the future holds.

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From Hawaii

I’m 15 and have been smoking meth and snorting coke for as long as I can remember. Living in Honolulu and being away from home most of the time, I was eager to stay with anybody who had money and a bed to sleep in.

I checked into Kahi Mohala: a rehab hospital for a couple of weeks. They told me I had AIDS and that I will die from it eventually. It was and still is overwhelmingly devastating.

I have 2 little baby brothers and I hope I’m around for them to have a good remembrance of me. It’s sad really. My life. But I deserve it and am in a way given a second chance. It opened my eyes to the people and things around me. I have support from my mother who can barely handle.

I’m young and don’t know of anybody living with the disease. Hardly even the one who gave it to me. He was 21 and took advantage. I have a young heart but an old soul. Insight. I pray everyday and go to church on Sundays. Always having faith in god, I believe this was my destiny and AIDS is more than just a disease. It changes you. Makes your mind stronger, knowing your time is limited you begin to see things differently…appreciate the blessings.

It was only just detected so I have a long road ahead of me, I mean a really long one. I go through withdrawal and cry myself to sleep. I want to say fuck it and go back to the lifestyle. But I feel it would be betraying my family and connection god.

I want to accomplish so many things. And I will. Everybody makes mistakes. Everyone has scars. This is life, start questioning it. Ask yourself what really is important to you.
Thanks for listening.

Aloha.

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Mr. H

I wanted to include my personal story on your website.
 
I am 17 years old and I was diagnosed with HIV last year.  I was in detention where they routinely test for HIV – the doctor at detention broke the news.  I felt crushed, like my life was over…like I was nobody.  I thought I was going to die real soon.  I felt that my life would never be the same.  I was very spontaneous when I was in the world (I’m in secure custody now).  I’ve know now for about 8 months, and the first week of knowing was the worst week of my life.  Losing sleep, thinking about the future and the past, and the stuff that I had to give up when I go home.

I think a lot about how I’m going to tell my current girlfriends.  I often stress a lot because I want to have kids and I want to live a normal life.  I want to not have to think about it, not have to be so precautious.  Every day, I ask myself, “Why me?”  I mean they got plenty of people who just don’t care, but I do.

My family supports me 100% - I hate to hear people talk about it when they really don’t know what they are talking about.  I find myself about to correct people but at the same time I want to remain confidential about my diagnosis.  But at the same time, I still have gossipers spreading rumors about me.  I mean, I’m young, dashingly handsome, and you wouldn’t be able to tell from looking at me.  And I try to live as normally as I can, but it seems like I can’t win for losing.

Thanks,

Mr. H

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Ben

i am 17 and i learned that i had the hiv virus. i was told when i was 10. I remember that day perfectly, it was honestly the worst day of my life. my heart broke.

well anyways this is how it all started. okay i was born and my mom was like a prostitute and cocaine addict or something like that and when i was born she brought me to and adoption agency and when they looked at her they would'nt take me because they knew what she was. sucks huh.

well any way the doctor had me with her and she needed to go to vermont. so the lady who is my mother now gave her the ticket and through time i was what she got in return. so we came back to vermont and came to grow with my new family. i have no information on my real mother and want to know so badly but don't know how to go about something that huge.

well i grew up and my mother thought she should tell me when i was 10. that day shattered all of my dreams and hopes. but now that iam older and have had more time to think about it all, i realized that my dreams aren't shattered there's just one more thing to make me stronger and thats exactly what it is doing.

now being 17 my life is great iam in a relationship and it is wonderful and we both are comfortable with it. my friends are there for me every step of the way. my family is wonderful even though i feel like there is something missing what i have i pricless. and after having my meds being up and down and having to deal with almost dying. now iam living with meds that are perfect and are keeping my virus in remission and thats is wonderful.

i actually feel normal and not shuned from the whole world. my life is going great and iam glad i have it because then i wouldn't be me and i love who i am. i also wouldn't be able to share my life story and possibly have the chance to educate a few teens. but if this could get published or something that would so make my day and my life. thank you for letting me share my story with the world. thank you.

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Kerry

I am 17 and will be 18 in two months.  In October 2005 I gave blood, I then gave again in Febuary this year. I had a letter asking for me to go to the blood clinic or to arange for them to come to me. At first I didnt think that it was anything important and no-one mentioned any thing as being wrong.  They called to my hose and took blood but still I wasnt toled what it was, just that they had some unusual test results.  Later I was asked to go to the hospital and toled I had HiV anti-bodies.  My partner of 3 years was then tested and he has a low cd4 count.  In a way I'm glad I got it, otherwise we wouldn't know he has it and has to start medication, or that his children, from a previous relationship, were born with it.  Now we can prevent any children we have from getting it.

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Anon

at 16 never thought it would happen to me i had just moved to england a few years back and i could say i was cought up living my life in the fast lane. met a really nice guy who was a freind of my cousins he was south african. i had sex with him for his birthday and didnt use protection because i was on the depo-vera contraceptive injection STDs never crossed my mind at the heat of the moment.

a month later he went on holiday with his family back to south africa. just a few days after he was gone i started having severe abdominal pains so i visited my doctor who suggested food poisoning. after taking the required sosaged of anti-biotics the pain did not go anywere.

i returned to my doctor who then suggested it was thrush caused by the anti-biotics i was taking so i had the day treatment. since my GP had told me i had thrush i decided to get a full check up to see if anything else was wrong so i got a sexual health screen.

two weeks passed and i didnot hear from the clinic so i was very happy because they had said " no news is really good news" but then my fone rang when i was watching T.V with my family and it was my health adviser from the clinic she told me i had to come in because the  test had revealed i had chlamydia so i had to pick up my treatment

i was very reluctant to go because i thought it was nothing serious but when i got there i was taken to a small room and had the news that I WAS HIV POSITIVE frankly i did not know what my reaction was supposed to be. my boyfreind came back and i told him the news on his day of arrival and evrything has changed we have drifted apart

well i cant say anymore because my boyfreind just came back a week ago and the story of my life continues a life at the moment seems so empty but i guess there is a reason and a plan for everything so in god i will believe

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Anna

My name is Anna, I am 10 years old living in Namibia. I realized at my very young age that i am HIV positive. I develop lots of skin problem which never heal , and i heard my so called parent talking that i am HIV positive. I am not shock Because I did not look for it i don`t know sex i only hear people talking about it. I know even if i die i am going to heaven.

My mother passed away in 2000,for HIV related illness, i saw her, when she was sick, She was very thin and i used to read in different books about this deadly illness. I don`t know who my father is. But i know that both my parents are dead and i have no parent left. I only have my brother from a different father. My life is a disaster, i have my aunty who is looking after me but that is not enough. My parents are very important to me. There is a man who claim to be my father but i know that is not true. I wonder if my really father liked me. Although i don`t know who he is. I also wonder why he gave me to Samuel my so called father. I am saying my so called father because i don`t know if he is my really father.

What i really want is love i want someone who will love me as i suppose to be loved and care for me and my brother. Please help or i should just die and go to where my parent are..........

Thank you.

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Maria

Today is November 12th 2003.. You can call me Maria ..I wanted to share my story cause GOD pressed it upon my heart to tell it ... and also the majority of the women who told their stories are similar but very different than mine .. I ask you to be patient and read my life..

I am a 18 year old female ... Born with HIV ... I was reading some of the stories of the women giving birth to healthy babies ... but not have heard of the ones who have giving birth to HIV infected ones. I am not aware like most of you how I got HIV ... Meaning my parents, I made a decision not to ask or want to know, cause it does not matter now.

My mother and father were both HIV positive. MY mother died when I was only 3 years old. To this day I do not know what it is like to have a mother. I can feel the pain she felt knowing that one day she would not be around to raise me or watch me grow. Leaving everything in gods hands I know she's at peace. I grew up not knowing why I was taking meds or why I visited the hospital every month or why they took blood...till one day my father told me. He's currently living still HIV positive at the age of 65. I sensed it was hard for my father to raise me not knowing himself when he might pass. But god has been so good to me and my family. In the midst of 7 operations my father underwent, always in and out of the hospital. God has seen us through... I remember one time I was about 6 my father had a seizure in my house, I had called 911 they came. I remember being so scared. when the paramedics got there his heart had stopped to a couple of seconds and they put the shock to his chest to make his heart beat again ... I was praying so hard to god to let my father live. Because he was the only thing I had left. Then his heart began to beat. As I grew older I became a woman all by myself. Because my father couldn't show me how to become a woman. I took on responsibilities ... And when I hit my teen years. This was the most difficult time for me to understand why & how & why me & my family... I went to church regularly. By this time I was off medication because it made me feel worse then it did better. I never told my father or doctors I wasn't taking them. Which I'm not saying is a good idea but I wanted to be in control of my life... I had a good relationship with God and I knew he would prove the world wrong thru me. It is not up to your doctor to say how long you will live or how sick you will get.... Here I am 18 years later and about to celebrate my 19th birthday next week... AND THEY SAID I WOULDN'T LIVE PAST 8 YEARS OLD. I haven't been on any Medication and I have been undetectable for 9yrs somebody tell me how?? I have just recently confessed to my doctors and family that I have been off medications. They support anything I do. I also thought it would be so hard to find a boyfriend who would except me the way I am.. and I have. I was young but God brought me love ... at 13 I met my boyfriend to this day. I told him a week after we met he said he loved me and it didn't matter. we have been together for 5 years now and are older and understand how serious my HIV can get. But with god's help we will continue a normal life. kids the whole 9 yards... Now you must be thinking how IM going to have kids right? well its silly but true.... Turkey basters. aaa yes ... don't ask but it works. I've herd of stories like that.

Thank you for letting me share my story. DEDICATED TO ALL HIV POSITIVE MOTHERS BECAUSE I CAME FROM ONE AND I DON'T REGRET ONE DAY IN MY LIFE OR HER FOR LOOSING HERS AND LEAVING ME TO LIVE MINE WITH STRENGTH FROM HER & GOD.

GOD BLESS ... YOU ALL..... MARIA ... NEW YORK CITY ....

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Tequilla

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Martin

I was very bad at home and on Christmas Day I was very ill. I was being sick, not eating anything much at all. I remember Christmas night I was just sitting in a chair slumped in a heap. I had a massive temperature and I was curled up in a ball just baking hot. That night Mum had to put me to bed early. Then I was waking up at night with these terrible sweats, just waking up with my clothes all soaking wet, and my hair just soaking with sweat.

I know now that I had PCP [HIV related pneumonia] and that I was very, very, very ill with high temperatures. I was in such a lot of pain that I was on Pethidine [a pain-killer] for days, which wasn't the nicest of experiences but it did control the pain. I didn't really have any choice at all, I had to have it. My Mum was with me a lot, and she did calm me down through the pain. And my Dad has been very good as well. But it was just so frightening.

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Monica

I am 15 years old and my best friend who is a male has AIDS and we were really close so one night we experimented and after the fact that we "did it" he told me that he had AIDS. I was so angry at him and scared. I told my mom and she took me to get tested right away. Unfortunately I was HIV positive. I went in my room and cried for days. The only other thing I was worried about was my family and father, that they would be so ashamed of me but I am glad that now I found this site and am able to vent out all my issues.

------------Monica 15

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Ralina

I am a 24 year old female youth. At the young age of 10 years old, I was being babysat by my best-friend's cousin and ended up getting brutally raped several times that evening. Two years after the rape we were finally able to prosecute the guy and get him incarcerated for a short term of only 3 years. Within 3 months of the start of his incarceration, my mom got a visit from the local health department saying that the guy who raped me tested + for the HIV virus; and that it would be a good idea for me to find out. Well a couple weeks went by and I got the bombshell dropped on me. My test also came back + when I was 12 years old. Because of the lack of knowledge about the virus I ended up getting forced out of high school, because they didn't want it in their community. I have since got my GED and Bookkeeping degree and I was able to pick up and prove everyone wrong. I am a proud mom of a 6 year old NEGATIVE child. Good luck to all!!!!

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Maria

I have HIV and I've known I've been living with it for four years. I was told by my doctor. When I first found out I had the virus, I thought that I was going to die very soon. I cried so bad but my mum and dad comforted me. I was 9 years old at the time. It was like I'd lost a piece of my heart. Pity, anger and sadness were what I felt. Also the question, why me, out of billions of people, why me!

But I'm glad that I was told because I would have carried on living my life and falling sick, without knowing why. I think it's useful being told if you're sick because if the worst comes, there'll not be many questions to be asked. It's important to be told.

I take lots of medicines, big tablets which are generally the size of a 2p coin. I take 15 tablets a day - altogether 105 tablets a week! It's a hassle but it's for the best. I find taking DDC the hardest because it's so big and takes time to take. But I'm used to it - the medicines are part of my daily life and my life is a part of my medicines. I hope that they can make an easier way of taking medicines. But most, I hope they find a cure for all those like me.

If I fall sick, it is simple cases like the flu, but I have to be admitted to hospital because it could lead into something like a chest infection. When I'm in hospital I feel so sad and lonely - I like it when people visit me. I've had chicken pox twice and shingles four times, and chest infections and other infections. There was one time when I was so sick. I was 10 or 11 and I had some infection in my stomach. I had to have a biopsy [when tissue from the body is removed and examined] and I was in so much pain. I'd lost weight so I was being fed by a drip. I thought that I was going to die, but they got me better and I stayed on in hospital for two weeks. I hate getting sick, I don't think anyone likes it. When I wasn't well, I used to say I wish I could just die in my sleep, just so the pain could go away forever.

I can't join in some conversations when my friends are talking about AIDS or HIV. Like someone would go " I'm glad I'm OK and haven't got HIV". I don't like it when people say horrible things like that. It makes me feel bad. For example they say things like " you mustn't touch anyone who has AIDS or you'll catch it too".

I've been going to my hospital for five years now so they know me quite well. I get lots of help from my doctor called Steven and other people and whenever I need someone to talk to they're always there.

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