A selection of stories about being young and lesbian or bisexual, written by different people from all around the world and sent to AVERT.
Avert.org also has information about resources, youth groups, helplines etc. for those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or unsure.
If you would like to add your personal story to this page, please
Kiley
Alright, so. My name is kiley.
I'm sixteen, and I've been living the life my dad wants me to live, all
along. Just to make him happy. But, I. Wasn't happy. I'm gay, and I
couldn't be myself because I thought it would disapoint my father.
I've grown up around gay and bisexual people. My mom is bisexual, and I was
always around her and her girlfriends and gay friends. My aunt is gay, and
I was always around her and her exwife, and all of her girlfriends.
I grew up knowing not to judge people. I grew up realizing and understand
that love doesn't have a gender. And I'm so thankful that I understand
that, because a lot of people just don't understand that.
Ever since sixth grade, I felt like I was gay. I had sensed it. But it
grossed me out. I didn't want to be gay. I wouldn't admit it to myself, or
others. Up until ninth grade, this was my life. A complete lie. A huge
secret. And then, I finally realised I was gay. And I started
admitting it to myself.
People say I say it just for attention. But, no. That's totally not true. You don't just wake up one day, and decide to be gay. You're born this way, and then after an amount of time, you finally realise it and start to admit it to yourself, then to others.
But, I've learned to deal with the hate. No matter who I am, or what I do, or how I live my life, I'm going to be judged. So why not be judged for who I really am?
I came out to my mom, first. Because I knew she would accept it. I knew she would be okay with it. And she was. She was more than happy for me. A lot of people in my family, had already guessed that I was going to be gay. They just knew it. So, then I came out to my aunt, and she was pretty happy. And then her exwife, found out, and was happy for me. Then her newer girlfriend at the moment found out, and was also happy for me.
Then.. I came out to my dad. Lots of crying. He figured it was a phase. But, no. Its not. He didn't accept it at first. But, he's getting used to it, and he is starting to accept it.
My friends accept it. But, I still have those people that hate me, and
think its disgusting. But that's okay. Ill always have those. But, also ill
always have my ffriends and family, that have my back.
I'm so happy, and unbelievably lucky to have an accepting family and
friends.
I like girls, and that's that.
Georgia
Hey, i'm Georgia and im 17!
I am bi - curious.
This year and the last few years, i've been through a lot of shit that has to do with my sexuality. I've always loved girls because they are so amazing, both sexually and emotionally.
I've had 3 intense crushes on girls, one in 2005, 2006, 2007 with my bestfriend of 3 years. The other one was on one of my new friends I met in 2009 and 2010, im still really close friends with her. But now I've had one since the start of this year, but this is totally different to the other ones.
I've known this girl since primary school since grade 5, and we've been friends ever since, but i didn't hang out with her very often. When I was invited to go into her group in grade 9, 2009 I started to get to know her even better.
This year she has been the most amazing friend, she has helped me so much dealing with this relationship, that wasn't even a relationship I had with this guy and i'm still having trouble getting over him, because of the amazing memories we've had last year and my first kiss with him earlier this year.
But she knew that i've been really hurt, by what he did so she made me delete and block him from my facebook account and all of my other accounts. She was always there for me when I felt alone. She was there for me when my younger sister, who is 15, was going through a depressive stage in her life earlier this year, she invited me over to her house when my mum was abusive and stressed and would abuse me, she was and still is the only friend I can tell things too, and trust with my whole heart.
A few months ago she and I had a massive discussion about a million different things and I told her that i'm bi - curious and i've had a massive crush on our close friend, and she was amazingly fine with it. Ever since then I've thought about her and I making out to see if I am bi sexual, or a lesbian. But personally, I am sooooo scared of telling her because I know she's never experienced love before and she's never kissed a guy or a girl in her entire life and she love her own personal space, which is really worrying for me (i've even wrote down what I wanna say to her!). I really really wanna make out with her because firstly i've never kissed a girl and secondly i've always loved girls. Though, I am sooo scared of losing our friendship that we've had for 7 years and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.
I'm excited but afraid at the same time :/
AVERT says: If you feel personally affected by some of the content of this story, please see our Help and Advice page for further information and details of organisations who can help.
Jess
Im 14. I've known I was a lesbian since I was 11, guys didn't even phase me. I really wanna come out to my family. Ive come out to my friends and they're cool with it. They actually said they were happy that we weren't lying to each other anymore. Even the lady I babysit for for free tutoring knows and she still let's me around her daughter. I thought it would be really hard to tell my friends but they were like, "so. That doesn't change you." and we just went on being friends Like always. The only people who don't know are my family. I have a gay brother and when he came my mom just said "I loved you yesterday. Why wouldn't I love you today? Youre still the same person." but she's told me on countless occasions that if I were to be lesbian or bisexual then she wouldnt be able to deal with me. It really confused me. You will love your gay son for who he is, but you can use the same logic for your lesbian daughter? I haven't told her yet. And it will probably be a long time before I can, considering I want to be able to afford to live by myself in case she kicks me out. I think it's really sad, that while all my friends and people I know can accept me, my mother, of all people, who accepted her gay son, will never accept me. I will come out to her. Eventually.
Jasmine
I am a 15 year old lesbian who has been hiding her sexuality because i am afraid of what people may say. I have dated boys in the past but it has never felt right. I know this admazing bi girl and we once agreed that we would make out just to see what it was like. it was incredible. i want her to be mine so badly it hurts. she came into my life and i dont want her to go. she knows how i feel as i told her one night and we slept together that night and i have never felt so good in all my life. hopefully we will get togeher , she is the best thing ever. do not be afraid to admit your true feelings for people as they may turn out okay.
Amy
Hi my names Amy and I'm bisexual. I am currently in a relationship with a boy but I'm more attractive to girls (I always have been).
There's this girl and she's everything but I'm scared because she's lesbian and fully out to the world and well I'm not, I'm scared of telling my parents and siblings, I'm scared of school if anyone found out there it would spread like wild fire and I'm scared of being out in the world, holding a girls hand, kissing a girl, just being involved in a girl in public scares me so much; there are bad people in the world and some don't take to kindly to lesbians and gay people.
I don't think my parents would take kindly to me if I came out bisexual, my sister would be fine with it I know that but I think she'd still joke about it. My family think it's too soon in my life to be making choices like this but I can't help it, I am who I am and they can't and will knot change me!
When I think of being with girls it makes me feel all...well you know, sexual. But when I think of being with a boy (e.g my boyfriend) I don't know I do feel sexual just it doesn't give off that spark that full pleasure feeling. I have had sex with a girl but sadly that was a mistake although it was full pleasure.
Maybe it's true that you can 'only like one or the other'.
Thanks for reading I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me knowing I'm not the only one out there.
April
Hey, I'm 14 years old and I have feelings for such an amazing girl.
I'm year 9/going into year10 and I have liked this girl since year 7....for 3 years.
All my friends know and so does the girl I like, but she doesn't like me back. She isn't lesbian/bisexual. I'm finding it very hard to deal with.
I keep telling myself I'll be okay, but then it hits me. I'm a lesbian.
I kind of had doubts about my sexuality in primary (silly as it sounds) but I found girls atractive. However I never thought anything of it because I was young and I thought maybe every girl at my age goes through it. I fully understood what a lesbian was due to my nieghboors who were a lesbian couple. I have never been against lesbians in my life because I've always known it's normal. But I can't seem to deal with it myself. It's really killing me.
I guess now that the girl who I like knows I like her has gotten closer to me as like a friend. We're not bestfriends but I want to get closer to her. Not like going out but I honestly really care for her. I'd do anything for her.
I have trouble with nerves and I get nervous doing alot of things. I have trouble eating infront of my bestfriend because of my nerves but she said do it for the girl you like. I ate. That's one of the hardest things for me in life to eat in front of people. But I did it for her and also my best friend.
I don't have anybody to talk to who's in my situation. I have my bestfriend yes but she doesn't know what I'm feeling. She try to understand but she could never say I know how you feel. None of the people who I know can say that. I just need someone in my situation where the feel that their feelings are so strong for a girl they would do anything. I need someone to talk too who's in my shoes.
AVERT says: on our website we have a list of resources for those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or unsure.
Aurora
Ever since 4th grade I have had lesbian thoughts and feelings because all of my male role-models in my life have been abusive to my mom and I. I'm almost 14 now and I have had a major crush on my BFF for 3 years now. I haven't opened up to anyone about it yet, but the first person I want to tell is her. She may not understand how I feel and our friendship might be hurt but I know it's the right thing to do because I always think about her no matter where I am or what I'm doing. Both of us have talked about our sexual feelings before, but it tends to get very awkward so we stop. We have always told each other everything so it feels wrong to not admit it.
Recently, it has been really hard to prevent myself from doing something stupid when I'm with her. We have messed around before, but it has never been anything serious. Now all I need to do is sum up some bravery and wait for the right moment to tell her...
I was really reluctant to tel my story at first, but then I read the other stories and I could tell it helped them. I am really thankful that I found Avert...
Stephanie
I am 17, and though i have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, i know i am bisexual.
While i have always been supportive of gay rights, as have all my friends and most of my family, i always just liked guys for a long time. But once i started REALLY noticing people in that way, i started noticing girls too. I would notice girls i thought were hot or pretty, but i always assumed it was nothing, just normal, straight observations. But the more i thought about it, and talked to my friends about it, the more i started thinking maybe i was bi. Maybe i have a slight preference towards men, but i am definitely open to girls too. I was unsure for a while, but now fully accept myself as bi.
I haven't told any of my close friends yet, i think i am just waiting for the right moment. At least that's what i tell myself. I am nervous even though i know they'll accept it. I just don't know how to bring it up after all this time. But at a summer camp type thing, i told a friend i made there, since i saw it as a chance to sort of start over, because they knew nothing about me. She was completely accepting and it really boosted my self confidence.
I'm now considering ways to tell my friends, but i am not so scared anymore, and it feels good :)
Icy
People who I've know as a child and have lost contact with usually ask me, when did you become a lesbian, and at time I ask myself the same question, I ask how it happened or when did it happen. Usually a reply with a look that saids 'are you stupid' and say in an indifferent tone, I don't know. I'm not really out, I'm like halfway in the closet, if that makes sense, I've told people who matter to me, eight people in total, and they've all been very awesome and supportive about it but I don't think I'm gonna to tell my parents till I'm going off to college. I just don't have it in me, I don't have to the strength to fight against their wrath, a lot has happened this past year and with my sexuality to go on top of it I'm completely and utterly exhausted.
If they ask, when, then he is what I'm gonna tell them, I don't know when, I've never been that interested in guys anyways, I've always looked for people to accept me, I'm a strange person by heart and therefore a bit rejected by my peers most of my childhood, I was looking for anyway to fit into this little unit at school without being alone. I was never thinking about romance, in fact my bestfriend was my niece and well let's just say we were very close. But again I never thought anything of it because it felt good and we were both in that state of mind.... the only difference was that she grew out of it and I didn't. I never liked guys, I wanted to be their friends, badly because it seemed like fun but kissing them hugging them, the thought was alway repulsive to me. Not like full on throw but a small ew and disinterest, and though I ignored it most of the time when I looked at a couple my eyes always went to the girl first. I didn't think about it, I never put it together, maybe because I was alway a black sheep of my family and didn't want to make it worse by being gay. I watched a lot of videos of girls kissing each other, again I never thought anything of it, when I watched porn I was always looking at the girl and how the guy must be feeling touching her soft curves.
I don't know how it started or theres something wrong but I'm gonna tell you this and I'm gonna tell you straight, I didn't choose anything, there was no point in my mind that I choose this, there was no point that I wanted this to add to my already impressive pile of f* up stress. So theres the best explanation I can give you at the moment, it quite detailed if I do say so myself and I hope this gives a better understanding because when I was younger I though sexuality was simple, that you knew from a young age and this isn't true, it's complicated and it's hard to deal with and it's confusing but once you get through it your on top of the world.
Lucy
I am really confused on if i am a lesbian or not. I've always felt connected to some of my friends in a different way. But, I am so afraid that I am trying to convince myself I am not. If I told my family that i liked women, they would probably laugh in my face and tell me I am too young to know what I want. But I can't control my thoughts. Recently, I have been trying to figure out who i am. I went through the same thing 2 years ago... But i convinced myself that it was just a stage in my life. I keep on thinking how horrible it would be if my parent found out. I told my friend once that I might be a lesbian. She nodded her head and then said, "Yeah right!" and laughed in my face. I am afraid she will tell people that i said what i said to her, and my parents will find out. I am still very young and I am afraid that people won't understand. One of my guy-friends recently told me he was bisexual. I understood and was very supportive. But, he is in love with me. I wanted to tell him about my feelings to become a lesbian something happened that freaked me out. I was talking to him one day and how i hated living in france because the girls here (Except for one) are all mean. And that I usually talk to the guys. But then he asked me if i was a lesbian, i was too scared to say yes. But he seemed pretty glad that i wasn't..
Jen
I am 15 years old, i just had my first girlfriend. But she broke up with me a couple days ago for reasons that I'm still confuse about. She hurt me a lot when she told me that she thought I was using her to see if I really liked girls. I'm having a really hard time now because of what she said because I feel like an ignorant. So stupid, but I don't think that people understand me. I don't know who to talk to about it because I'm scared of what can happen if people knew how I felt and use it against me. My mother says that i don't know what I want, she doesn't accept that her own brother is gay. I don't know what to do, I just want to give up on trying to be with someone because I'm so clueless. I am sure about one thing though, I've liked girls since I was about 10 years old. I find them more beautiful and caring than any men. Don't get me wrong I get along with guys just fine, as a matter a fact I believe I have more guy friends because I feel comfortable with them. I don't get nervous like when I'm with a girl. I guess my ex didn't understood me, but then again she didn't even try to work things out. I'm only trying to give her what she wanted, to be friends. But how can I do that when she doesn't try to have a talk with me. Should I just let her go and never talk to her again...
Kayla
Hi, I'm Kayla and I'm 15 years old, nearly 16 :)
I'm bisexual, but I tend to lean towards girls more.
I was 13 when I realised that I liked girls as well as boys. When I was 8-10 I used to kiss my friend when she was at my place, but I never actually comprehended that this was different, because it just felt natural! I've liked my straight friend for two years now, it sort of sucks :/.
I haven't yet had a girlfriend, but I had a boyfriend last year. Now that I think about it, I didn't actually like him much. I broke up with him after 3 months because I didn't feel the same way and it would've been horrible of me to lead him on. I'm really shy, so that's the only relationship that I've had.
Most (if not all) of my friends know. I told my best friend straight away, and when I was 14 I told some of my other friends. I have a LOT of bisexual friends, which sort of surprised me. One of my closest friends doesn't understand homo/bisexuality though, so I didn't tell her. However a 'rumour' went around my class that I was bi and she found out. She hasn't confronted/asked me about it, but I'm going to write her a letter explaining why I didn't tell her and that I've never liked her as more than a friend etc. She's fine with me being bi, she just doesn't understand the concept of it. My family don't know. Either that or they're hiding it from me. I don't think I've ever given them reason to suspect it lol.
So that's pretty much my story :)
Caitlyn
I am a 15 year old bisexual, and my entire life I thought I was completely straight. I liked boys, and I love to have the doting boyfriend and what not, and never thought of girls in any other way besides as friends, but as I spent more time just trying to fit in, something didn't feel quite right. I tried to be like other girls, to like only boys and dated a few, and the relationships were great, but there was a new girl who transferred into my school 2 years ago and as we became good friends, I found that I had a crush on her. A year after she transferred, a mutual friend threw a slumber party and afterwords, my friend (the transfer student) wanted to spend some time together so we went to the mall and did some shopping. When we decided to leave, she asked my mom if I could spend the night and my mom agreed. We stayed up late sharing secrets and the like and as we were getting ready to go to sleep she told me that she had a little crush on me and asked how I saw her. Although I'd been denying it to myself for the year beforehand, I got over my shyness and told her the truth and we started dating shortly after that. We keep it a secret from our parents who are extremely homophobic but after telling one friend and gaining a favorable reaction, we told the rest of our friends and they were more than happy to support us. We've both come to terms with our sexuality and have a philosophy that a person's gender doesn't matter when you like them, as long as they make you happy and the relationship is a healthy one, it's not right or wrong.
Kristen
Am a white girl who live in ghana. Am a lesbian and am in with a black girl does not know,I love her. But i feel she love to but she is afraid to say because lesbianism is not allow in ghana.
Momoko
I'm 14, and well, Bi-sexual/Lesbian.
I haven't really told anyone cause it's frowned upon where I live.
I love women, just how they act, how they are, how they feel in my arms.
I've had a fear of men since I was sexual abused as a child, yet I love butch women... or feminine men occasionally.
I don't plan on coming out too my Guardians since I was told to 'not come to them with that news.' By them.
I'm really waiting everything out until I can be who I am and freely love whomever.
I've seen Lesbian couples, and envied them so much... But never have I envied a straight couple.
So, that is my little story... Secret love kept hidden.
Ashlyn
Im Ashlyn and I'm 16 and im a lesbain.
When I was 14 i started realizing that i liked girls, I tried to talk myself out of it for the past two years. I thought if i dated enough guys or found a guy good enough it would change who i am because my family is very religious and I am scared they will shut me out if they knew. I have a best friend but its hard to trust her. I met this amazing, beautiful girl at a party but she didnt really know anyone I knew and we started dating. We have been dating for three months and I really hate not telling anyone. I dont know how to tell my family and i dont want to get kicked out of my house and I want to tell some of my friends but I still have two years of high school and I dont know if i can go from social butterfly to "that lesbain girl". Im in a tough place and im scared if I dont tell someone soon I will loose her and Im scared if I do I will loose everyone else. I know one girl came out last year and people gave her such a hard time she changed schools.
