Makale

Hey, my name is Makale. I am a 20 year old Lesbian who lives in Utah, of all places. After reading these stories of younger women struggling to find out who they are or how to open up to people, I decided I wanted to try to help.

When I first realized I was interested in girls, I was in 9th grade. I am Mormon, like 90 percent of Utahans are and I tried to not to think about girls. I think when you have any sort of attraction, it is hard to forget.  Eventually my attraction for girls caught up with me. It was all I could think about.  My first girlfriend was my senior year in high school.

I am very close with my family. I have all sisters and I knew two of my sisters would be okay with me being i, but I knew it would be so hard on my parents. I wish I wouldnt have told them until I graduated and was on my own.  If you wait to tell them, you can avoid your parents accusing you that it is just a stage or that you are doing it for attention.

Before I told anyone how I felt, I always joked about what if I was a Lesbian, or what if I was this or that, just to get an idea on what my friends or family were thinking. I hinted around a lot, and I think that helped prepare them in a way. I have never came out to a friend that I didnt have a gut feeling that it would be okay. Once I am friends with someone, I tell them. I always get a little nervous, but they always make me feel like they still know I am the same Makale. As you get older, people handle it a lot more maturely.  It is important to go with your gut. If you know someone wont be down with you being Bi or a Lesbian, you might want to wait until your friendship is strong enough to work past that. It just takes time, but those who love you will always come around. Four years after telling my mom, she has finally accepted it. Crazy stuff, but I am grateful. She still has hope that I might find the man of my dreams, but she is okay if I find the girl of my dreams also.

I think most Lesbians come out as Bisexuals at first. It is easier to accept in a way. I thought I was Bi for my whole high school career, but my second girlfriend I had changed how I felt in a way. After being with a woman, I cant see why I would ever want to date a guy. Ive never been attracted to men, I just knew it was just what girls liked, so I liked them to. Now that Im older and grown as a person, Ive realized I dont have to try to like guys anymore. It is okay to be me. I love everything about that.

If you are confused, the best advice I can give you is to try it out. Wait for the right time and dont rush into anything.  Dont be afraid to be yourself. There is nothing wrong with being you.

I am single now and it is extremely hard to date in Utah. Im sure it is hard everywhere.  If you want to date, you have to put yourself out there. Its easier when you are my age, but for those who read this that are younger, be patient, youll figure it out when its right for you.  I hope this has helped someone. Life is what you make it, so try your best to make it what you want it to be. Good luck.

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Nicole

So my name is nicole and this is my story.

Im 15 years old and I'm a lesbian. I have a girlfriend she is my first girl friend :). We've been together for almost 9 months I feel in love with her by the 1st month I met her. But umfortunatily it's not the best relationship ever. Through these almost 9 months this is what has happened... 1. We've gotten in to 2 physical fight nothing to major but they were truefights 2 she has cheated on me 2x (wit guys she is bi and I'm her first gf too) 3 we have broken up and got back together a GAGILLION times and 4 we fell in love. I met her at a camp she is 15. I'm goin away for the summer and I rly jus wanna get over her and move on cuZ it's. A horrible relationship.

I'm not allowed to talk to her unless it's way at night or on myspace cuz her mom HATES ME for no other reason then she just doesn't lik me. Neither of our parents knw by the way. but hopefully when I go away for summer I can figure out wat I want. I don't knw how this would help anyone but maybe I will. Just knw it's hard as hell being gay if u don't tell ur friends. And don't think you will never find someone trust me you will cuz I thought I would never find someone and I did. That's all :)

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Zoe

My name is Zoe Im 12 and Im lesbian who hasnt come out yet. I think I like my best friend but Im not sure. I guess I realized I was lesbian when I was like 7. I had a weird dream and I told my cousin Im gay and she was fine with it. So I remembered the dream forever but I still didnt know if it was real or not. Oh yeah this was like 5 months ago.

Anyway I was at her house and I just started to say remember when I told you I am gay and she said no. I was shocked. I thought I already came out. Ha. Guess not. I told her I liked my friend and she was fine with it. I‚m currently working on telling my friend Im gay. I guess what Im trying to say is it takes a lot of guts to come out and true friends will accept you.

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Chloe

Hi I'm Chloe, 14, I feel really stupid writing this and just letting it escape into space but yeah, I'll just get on with it. I'm gay or bi, I'm not really sure just yet. And I've gone and fallen in love with my best friend, who's straight, it's really annoying cause I've only known her since 2008 but I tell her everything (if i don't she'll figure it out later, she always does) so i told her. My love for her has only grown since then and she doesn't care, she'll never love me back but she's still here. My friend who knows I'm gay, says she's just pulling me along on a string but she doesn't know the full story (and no, I'm not going to tell you the full story either) but i will tell you this.

I was staying at her house, she knew, she was playing with me like a cat plays with string, i knew she didn't love me and she was just pleasuring me but i couldn't get the " what if's" out of my head. She was kissing my neck, it felt so good, she was on top of me, she laughed when i moaned, it was so hard to not touch her but i knew if i did something "she didn't like" she would stop so it was much better for me to stay still.

She started to bite, lick, suck and kiss my ear, god i loved the way her lips felt, I'd dreamed about this but know it was happening i couldn't think of anything else but her smell, I'd never smelt anything like it before it's completely indescribable. she started to bite my neck, sucking and biting, i was breathing so hard, i wanted her so badly. I wont go through the rest (nothing big happened) but yeah............ I got a hickie........ she didn't mean to, we went to TTP to find something to cover it up and you'll never guess who we bumped into MY MUMS BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!! she didn't tell, she gave me a tip " just put tooth paste on it", it was gone with in the week, I will always love her for it.

I really don't know the point of telling you that story but the memories have made me feel better,
I hope you get something from this but i dowt it. Chloe <3

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Laura

Hi, Im Laura. Im only 15..almost 16. And have been some form of Bi for the past six months. I dont know what i am, not really anymore..Im so confused and my friends arent supporting me very much.

It started in January `09. Ryan Hale, my boyfriend, hung himself on the 16th because he thought i was cheating on him with his best friend, Brian. But at the time, i had feelings for a girl and was confused. I loved Ryan, but i felt something for a girl in my school. He hung himself and i almost died too. It was heartbreaking. And none of my friends really knew Ryan so they didnt understand how caring and sweet he was. He was the best.

Then, Hannah saved me. Hannah was not the girl in school, Hannah is from England. I met her over the internet. But she meant the world to me. And she supported me, and i fell in love with her. We kind of went out, and i was meant to go see her. So, i told my mam. I told my mam im bisexual. And she was okay with it. Thought it was just a phase. She still slags me for it the odd time but its okay.

But me and Hannah still were very close and i booked a flight to see her in July for two weeks. So i cant wait..shes really nice. Because of my Bi-ness. My friends kind of got shocked. And my best friend and I fought over me being Bi and other stuff. And we arent talking anymore. But i got on with it..and i stayed strong. I fought the pain of losing my best friend, Ryan, friends. In the meantime, the girl from school, began to talk to me. She noticed me. And i was delighted. So happy. We met in Dublin one day. And we had so much fun. We texted all the time after that. And recently weve got so close. I told her i really liked her and she felt the same. Ive never been so happy...were not going out, but thats fine with me. Were just epic friends. XD

Basically, i lost a lot of people, but gained many more. And i gained the best thing thats ever happened to me. Ryan is always on my mind. And i never forget him. Ever. Hes in my heart forever now. But my new friends love me the way i am, so its okay to talk about Ryan, its okay to tell him i love him..even if hes not here, he can still hear me. If you think your Bi or a lesbian and your scared.? Dont be. You find out who your true friends are when changes happen in your life. Theres always there. Never judge. There your best friends. And your parents, they find it hard to understand, but they were there too. They know that feelings can change and when your a teenager you want your individuality. And thats good. Dont ever feel scared or pressured into things because you dont have to be. There is always people who will pick you up when you fall, there your friends.

I hope i`ve helped someone..
Laura. <333

If you need to talk to someone about your sexuality or dealing with a traumatic event we have pages to help you find support and helplines.

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Michelle

Hey there. My name is Michelle, and I happened across this page.  I don't know if it will encourage anyone but I thought that since I'm a bit older I would try.  I'm 20 years old, and like many of you, am dealing with bisexual feelings. 

I am a long-term dater, and I've only had two relationships because of this. My first relationship began when I was 14. I dated Michael for five years, all through high school and into college. December of my freshman year in college, he proposed. Everything was bliss for the next four months... or so I thought. In April, he decided that "he wasn't what I needed" and proceeded to leave me. I spent several months in a deep depression, putting up a strong front whenever I was asked about it.  When I was at my lowest point, I started hanging out with some friends from college.  I sent a desperate cry for help to Ashley, and suddenly, everything was put into motion.

Ashley helped me out of my hole. During this process, I realized that I loved her. However, she was not a lesbian, and I didn't want to scare her away. I kept my feelings to myself. Then, through the internet, and after some very blunt questions, we both realized that we had feelings for each other. We weren't alone after all. Ashley and I have been together since, and are moving in together next month. 

While all her friends know (due to the fact that most of them are gay or bisexual), only one of my closest friends knows.  Our parents have remained oblivious, and we're still working out how we're going to tell them. I do a have a bit of inside support: my brother. He has always been much less conservative than my parents, and essentially figured it out for himself.  He has been very encouraging, and I have no doubt that he will always be there for me.

Just as a final word of support, if you're struggling with how you're feeling, don't try to closet your emotions. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE NOT SICK, YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE CURED! Realize that you are NOT alone.

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Mirka

Hello everyone, my name is Mirka and I am Czech. I am 25 years old now. To start with, I have got many boyfriends in the past. So many, that I cant figure out the precise number. I did not love any of them. It were just physical relationships. A year before, I met a beautiful woman. At the very beginning, I just played with the idea what it would be like to touch her hair, her face or even kiss her on the lips. However, as the time passed by, I realized I was thinking about her all the time. I started to miss her terribly. This month I had enough. I could not stand it any more. I had to knew if her feelings were the same. So I (cowardly) wrote her an email. I wrote her things like.."I know it is not her fault and that I dont want to make her feel embarresed. But I cannot help stop loving her. Something like, I would really appreciate if she lets me know how she feels, even if she does not share the same feelings". Presently, I am waiting for her answer. It is one week since
I wrote her.

The reason why I shared my personal story with you is simple. I do not think that a gay person has to be born like that. Because it simply was not my case. Another think is, that if you feel in love with someone, you should always try to let them know. It is scary but at least, you will know how the other side is feeling and you will stop worrying about what-may-happen-possibilities. I do cross fingers for all of you. Take care. Yours, M.

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Brandy

Hi, im brandy and im 15. im not sure if im lesbian or bi, but i know that i have been attracted to girls since i was 8. i remeber always fantasising about girls in my class instead of boys. but then i hit middle school and i got one solid crush, his name was kyle. but there was no way that he ever liked me back. i got over him the next year though, then i liked a boy named cj alot [he never liked me back either].

Now im a freshman in highschool, and around the beginning of the school year, i met g***y. shes a very confident lesbian and she doesnt care about what other people think. for a while i was so confused because i knew that i was straight, but here i was crushing hard on my lesbian friend. i remeber telling her that i thought i had a crush on her and she was shocked and told me but your straight!! and i told her that i was kind of confused about that because at the moment because she was the only girl i could see myself together with. then she politely told me that shed find me a nice boy to crush on.

I was still confused and kind of hurt. but then i started noticing other girls, for one, my best friend b***y. we are so close, ive only known her since last year, but it feels so much longer. we used to joke around about being lesbian lovers to other people and we even got "married" while we were hanging out with friends at the bowling alley one night. but now that i told her that im bisexual, she gets freaked out when we do our little jokes. honastly i get so mad when she says, "brandy your freaking me out" with a disgusted look on her face when we do our jokes around our friends now. its like, now that she knows im attracted to girls, we cant act like we always do around our friends?? now im just looking for acception, since its going around school that i have a mad crush on my best friend b***y, and all my friends are freaked out and they act like they dont approve. plus im not sure about how my mom will take it. for one, she jokes around all the time about going lesbian because shes sick of all the f*cked up men that always managed to stumble into her life, but on the other hand, one time i remember shouting out "I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIIIIKED IIIIIT!!" and she imediatly said, dont sing that brandy! your not a lesbian. im just not sure how anyone will take this.

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Kylii

Hi, my name is Kylii and I'm 13 years old I've been a lesbian since I was 9. And honestly I've only had one girlfriend and never kissed her she was my best friend and she moved when we were 11. It was a very sad day for me cause we had just gotten into a fight and I never got a chance to tell her that I was sorry. And I've seen her a few time's but everytime I get a chance to see her she is with someone else and I still never have gotten to tell her that I was sorry. And everytime I see her it just hurts cause she was my first and only girlfriend but I hope to change that.

AVERT has a page of help and advice for people who are lesbian, gay ,bi and unsure.

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Kasey

Hi, my name is Kasey.  I'm 17 years old and I'm bisexual.  Only a few people know.  I haven't came out to my family at all but I have to a few close friends.  My mom and dad aren't rude about it and they have accepted all of my gay or bi friends but they have made it clear in the past that they don't know what they would do if one of their kids told them they weren't straight.  If it came to it....I think my mom could handle it.  But my dad........he would be so mean and hateful about it.

Anyways, I have a strong attraction to both guys and girls.  Up until two years ago I was convinced I was straight.  I crushed on many many guys.  I still am a sucker for a hot guy.  I grew up being told that liking people of the same sex was wrong so I repressed all feelings for other girls.  A friend of mine from school confessed her like for me and even though I really didn't feel the same for her it played in my head...got me thinking.  For awhile I would notice a pretty girl and I would have feelings that I quickly turned away....I thought it was soo wrong for me to have them.

But last February I met this girl.  We became quick friends.  Before long we were always hanging out together, sleeping over at each others houses and just the best of friends.  I had strong feelings about her too, stronger then I'd ever had with anyone.  It was so hard to sleep in the same bed with her and not feel things for her.  It was harder to hide those feelings from myself.  I wasn't just scared of what that meant about my sexuality but about what it meant for our friendship.  What was worse is she is younger than me.  She is only 14.

Well I was spending the night at her house one day in late September and I was struggling with my feelings more than ever.  We were laying down in her bed laughing like always, trying to go to sleep before her mom came in and told us we were laughing to loud and that we had better go to sleep.  We had finally shut up and the room was really quiet.  I had my eyes closed when she kissed me.  I was beyond shocked.  After that followed a lot of confessing about our feelings and stuff.  Before long we considered ourselves together.  We've been dating ever since that night and we still are although we've had some problems and we're broken up for about a week.  Her age has been an issue, since 14 is such a fickle age.  But she opened my eyes to what I am.  I love her so much still.

She wants to be with me and have a boyfriend.  I understand that we have to hide our relationship because neither of us are ready to tell our families and that is why she wants to have a boyfriend, so her parents won't question her.  But I still feel cheated on when I heard about her boyfriend.  I don't know if she is just telling me it is for show or if it really is.  But it feels so wrong that a 14 year old girl can hold so much affect on me at 17.  If I was to find out that she really loved this guy more than me.....it would break me.  That's how I know I could never be straight.

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KaSandra

Hi my name is KaSandra... I have always found both men and women attractive..but I could never find a way to tell anyone... I was always finding random women attractive but was always wondering whether or not it was wrong... This was always hard for me to figure out because i never knew who i wanted to be or whether or not i had already become something that wasnt excepted. it was hard for me but now i know that it is okay for you to be bisexual and there is nothing wrong with that!!! 

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Bri

'Ello.  My names Bri and I'm 15 almost 16.  I'm currently in 10th grade, but I've known I like girls since 8th grade when I met this lesbian, Sammy, who was really out and public about what she liked.  I mean, I probably did know that I liked girls when I was little, but I thought it was wrong. So I kept it to myself since 8th grade when I dated my first girlfriend.  Sammy still doesn't know that I had the hugest crush on her, but she is the one that made me feel that it was okay.

Only about my best friends, some of my family (not my parents.  I live in a cathloic family), and the whole school knows I'm...Well..That I like girls.  I know that it must be hard, because even right know I'm dealing with likeing girls.  I have this wonderful girlfriend, who has made me feel great about being who I am and helps out a lot. 

Me and my girlfriend met in theater in 9th grade.  Which is funny, because we both randomly took that class.  She and I are horrible actors.  But...Things soon feel into place and I told her I was a bisexual..And she told me the same.  Since then we've been really close.  We've been off and on dating for about a year now.  At this moment we are on, and I hope we stay together for a long time.  It's so weird.  I understand that.  I just want others to be okay with being whatever they are.  I hope you all are.  Because I know that my life has been a adventure so far, finding out who I am. 

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Ashley

I'm Ashley. I'm 16 and I discovered I was attracted to girls about 2 and a half years ago. I'm currently trying to figure out if I'm lesbian or bi but I know I'm not straight. I've dated guys but I'm not attracted to them in the way I am when I'm with a girl.

I haven't come out to my mom yet she left us a couple of days ago and she has her suspensions, but I'm afraid of what she will say and how she will react.she's already told me if I am pack my bags and get out.but you know what I've told many of my friends and they have accepted it like nothings happened.  they don't act funny we crack jokes but not mean ones. There's this girl I met and she's actually the first person I came out to. I Have the strongest feelings for her, and one day I'm going to tell her. She gave me hope that I'm not alone.

The point of the story is your not alone, and if your parents are like mine and they wont accept that and they'll punish you wait to come out. The best thing will be wait until your in college and supporting yourself and then come out. That way they cant say its a stage your going through and they cant take anything away. Stay strong you shouldn't be ashamed you should be proud of who you are.

For information, advice and help go to AVERT's Resources for those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or unsure.

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Tiffany

Hi, my name is Tiffany I am 13 years old. I am bi. I have been for a long time. I have an old friend, me and her don’t really talk anymore, but when we first stared hanging out everything was cool. But then I started to wanna to be with her as in her girlfriend. 2 years later I asked her to be my "girlfriend" and she said yes. Every girl in my school did it as a joke but with my friend and I it wasn’t a joke as everyone thought it was. As time went by she told me that the whole time I thought we were dating she thought it was just a joke, so I told her how I really felt and she told me she felt the same way!

A few days after we were really dating I found that I didn’t like her any more. I have met a new friend now called Kendall. We have kissed and had sex before but we were never dating each other. I really like her but.... I have a boyfriend and I love him sooo much and I'm starting to lose touch with this girl so was I just going through a phase with liking girls?

AVERT has more information on teens and sexuality and age of consent.

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Vanessa

Hi, my name is Vanessa. I am 18 years old, and just accepting that I am a lesbian. I have always known in the back of my mind that i find girls attractive, and find myself wanting to be with one more and more. The really hard part to all of this though is that i have a boyfriend. I've been dating him for a year and a half and we are both in love with eachother.

I dont want to lose him, but at the same time i want to be with girls. Everything is differnt now. I still think about him all the time, but when I'm with him intamitly, it dosnt feel like it used to. I feel horrible for continuing to date him even though I know that other then him, i am only attracted to girls. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I have never been homophobic and have had many gay friends growing up. But now that I know and have admitted it to myself, i can't block it from my head.

I want to be with girls, but i love my boyfriend. Its a really cruel choice to have to make, and one that i know i really dont want to make. I'm so lost and I don't have anyone to talk to about it.

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Clare

Hi. I'm 13 years old. I don't know if I'm bisexual or a lesbian. But I've been attracted to girls since I was 8. I know that as a fact. But I haven't told anyone yet. Well I have only one person though. My friend I've known since I was in private school a long while ago. But my parents hate bisexuals/lesbians. And I'm afraid that they won't accept me if I come out. I'm just really scared.

Well when I told my best friend since I've known since we were in private school she had already moved out of the state. I confessed to her that I liked girls. And I was in love with her. Because she just meant so much to me and I could tell her anything and everything. I've never been able to tell anyone that. She moved my first year of middle school. I was heart broken. But we dated a month after she left. We dated for the whole 6th grade and half of 7th grade. We decided that a long distance relationship couldn't work. But we are still best friends. So I was really depressed. I didn't have my friend, or anyone I could trust. And I just didn't know what to do. My grades started dropping. I was in algebra in the 7th grade. I switched out to regular math. That's when I met my now best friend in the whole entire world. And its like the moment I saw her I loved her.

So the teacher had sat me right by her. And I didn't have a pencil so I asked her for a pencil and she gave it to me. Our hands touched and my cheeks flushed red. I looked away and hid my face. And then after class we had lunch. We talked a while. I told her about me and a 'friend' breaking up. I never told her that it was a girl. I told her that I've known my friend for 8 years. And we started dating in 6th grade. I told her about what happened and she was there for me. She's seen me in my lows and in my highs. Whenever I talked to her I'd get happy. But then the end of 7th grade came. I never told her about how I felt about her. And we weren't THAT close. She wrote her number on my pants (that everyone was signing) and told me to give her a call whenever in the summer.

The first time I called her I couldn't help but smile. From that call on we've been so close. Its like were inseparable. She means the most to me. More than my best friend in private school. And now that school has started again, even though we don't have any classes together, its like were closer than ever. Whenever I don't see her I get sad. And its just amazing how much of an affect she has on my life. We joke around. We joke around ALOT and all the time. I send her signals that I like her. And did I mention that she is bisexual? Well she's bisexual. Anyways whenever I'm around her my heart flutters and I get butterflies. I just recently opened up to her. And she was totally ok with it. (remember she IS bisexual) she was a bit surprised but OK with it. She said that she would always be there for me. And I believe it. But I haven't told her that I'm in love with her. And yeah. I don't know how I'm going to say it.

What I'm trying to say is that, having a friend you can always look up to is a good choice to come out to. I'm pretty sure if they're your true friend they'll always be there for you and won't loose you. And if you have a friend that you thought was one and they were, then they weren't a true friend. A friend should accept you for who you are, not who you like or how you choose your lifestyle to be.

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