Chris

My name is Chris, and this is my story.

I 17 live in a small country town in Australia. I first started knowing that I was gay when I was about 7 or 8. Things like when guys would brush up against me I would find the feeling to be something exquisite. I didn't understand the concept of being gay at the time, so I continued on life seeking love form girls, etc.

I reach high school. In my first year, I meet this guy. We became friends quickly, and so it came that we had a sleep over. When we were rehearsing a small play for our English class (where, funnily enough, I elected to be the bride of the story since we had a shortage of woman in our group), I kissed him. He was a bit stunned, but then that quickly faded and we fooled around. At the time, we agreed to keep this a secret and 'pretend it never happened', until we met again.

Month goes by. We meet again, the same thing happens, and I tell him I love him. The next day at school, he doesn't talk to me. He avoids me, and tells his friends (my friends too) to avoid me. I was shocked. I was not only heartbroken by a guy that I was in love with, but he made me official disowned at school. That was a hard time for me in life. On the plus side, however, I knew that he didn't want to be known as gay at school, so the last words I said to him were "If you out me, I'll out you". It was a very standoffish agreement, but it worked. My two cents: reality bites.

I broke off and found new friends. Life continued on as normal, and by this time I had got a job, so the whole love thing become like a second priority to me. These friends have been there for me through thick and thin. We had our problems, like all good friends do, but that's just how life goes.

This year, I decided that I wanted to come out, except the problem was that I was noticing that not only was I attracted to guys, but I was becoming once again attracted to girls either. Everything that I knew, like "I'm gay", went out the window, and I started to question whether or not it was just a really long phase. After much thoughts, I finally came to the decision that I was bisexual. I told the people that I am close with, and they were like "Yeah, so?". I love my friends; they're awesome. I also found that life became more positive for me. I started to become more myself, and I noticed that I was becoming more happier with life in general.

My mom and stepdad were supportive. My mother had known that I was on the fence for quite some time, but my stepdad I was quite apprehensive about (as I am sure a lot of gay or bi guys can say, coming out to a dad can be a bit nerve-wrecking). He was fine by it. My real dad, well, I  would rather not tell him anything.

The bottom line. Being gay, bisexual or lesbian is something that you shouldn't be ashamed of. It is who you are. I read on the internet saying that coming out of the closet is the greatest thing for them, and personally, I agree. In that same breath, however, if you feel comfortable leading a private life, there is nothing wrong with that. But whatever you do, don't let it bring you down. I don't know you, and chances are I never will, but I want you to know that you are a great person no matter how you swing, and that there are people that love you. At times you may not see it, and at times you may feel like you are all alone in your battles, but you are not. Just remember that people care about you.

Thank you for reading my story. I hope that in some small way I have helped you gain some insight, gain some comfort, or hell, just had a great read to brighten your day ;)

Love,

Chris

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Still on the fence

Hey this is Still on the Fence and this is my story.

Well, I'm just about fifteen years old and obviously you can tell that I'm still on the fence, and reluctant to come out. I've only recently, like in the past month or so, accepted full heartedly that I'm gay. When I think about it, I've displayed tendencies of being gay for about as long as I can remember. I remember in fifth grade seeing those shirtless abercrombie and fitch modles on the bag, and I just couldn't look away. I didn't really understand that I was (lol, extremely) attracted to the guy in the picture, but I did understand that I liked looking at him. I dismissed this, because the only people who were gay was that guy who always sat with the girls, right?

At the end of fifth grade I joined boy scouts, and man was that a journey. Anyone who's a boy scout knows that campouts are putting a score of hormonal teenage boys together in a confined area with no girls around. The moment the sun goes down everyone seems to turn gay (Lol!). Well, I got through those years just fine, and never suspected that I was gay. I was an early pube, so I accidental started masturbating when I was eleven, and I didn't even know what I was doing. I would always think of women when I masturbated, so it never even crossed my mind that I was gay. I never suspected it until one boring day in eight grade when all the sudden I got fantasies about some of the boys I knew (none of my friends cuz that would just be gross!) and I taking off our clothes and masturbating. After that I could never think about girls again. I tried sometimes, but I never got as aroused.

It's been a year and a half since then, and well, it's been a journey. At first, I just accepted that maybe I was physically attracted to guys, I would still marry a girl and have kids. It was a long battle until just in the last month I accepted that I would never be with a girl, no matter now much I wanted to be normal. Since then the hardest part about being gay is not being able to tell anyone. For example, there's this one kid that's really fun to be around and we all love having him around. I'm far from attracted to him, but the problem is that none of the girls find him "boy-friend" material either. So naturally, he asks what it is about him that girls find unattractive. Last week I tried to explain to him, and a girl cut in and was like, "why are you talking, you wouldn't know" and it just kinda floored me when I realized that many of my friends don't think I'm gay. On the other hand, I have a lot of bi and gay friends who are almost positive that I'm at least bi.

I want to come out, because I want a boyfriend, and I know that my bi friend knows every gay guy in the school and could easily hook me up, but I'm afraid to come out. I'm not afraid of people ridiculing me, because I'm better than them and I'm not too humble to admit it. XD! My main concern is the fact that once it's out I can't take it back. I know that my mom won't have any problem (in fact she would probably be overjoyed, having three sons and no daughters) but my dad's my concerns. Oh, he wouldn't get mad, and he would still love me, but I know that he'd be really disappointed, and that would hurt more than anything. I don't know, for right now I'm happy to sleep in the closet, but I don't know how long that'll last.

Sincerely,
Still on the Fence

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It's okay!

I am a senior at a high school in suburban California and come from a conservative Catholic family. I have known that there was something different about me ever since I was about six or seven. I remember that I acted very effeminate when I was younger (although I am extremely straight acting now) and would often flirt with other boys. However, it wasn't until middle school that I became truly aware of my bisexuality. This frightened me at first and I refused to accept it, convincing myself that I was a sinner and that it was just a phase that I was going through. I suppressed it and pursued girls. I even had a girlfriend for awhile, but I eventually realized that I couldn't fight it anymore.

I kept it hidden from everyone until the beginning of my senior year when I came out to a close friend of mine. Then the rest of my friends found out while I was drunk and blurted it out. But after awhile, I came out to all of my friends and they all accepted me for who I am. Just last week, I talked to a group of freshmen about my sexuality as part of a homophobia workshop and, that same day, I changed my facebook orientation. But despite this, there is still definitely something missing.

For about a year now, I have had a major crush on one of my friends. He isn't a really close friend, but I got to know him pretty well in English and History last year and now he's in my Psychology class. He's really been on my mind alot recently, especially since next Thursday is Valentine's day. Every day for the past few months it's just been the same thing. The same quick glances. The same awkward conversations. I really feel that he might feel the same way about me. Within the week, I'm going to tell him. Whether or not he likes me that way, it'll still be a success since I'll finally have closure. But enough about him...if I can say one thing to other gay and bi guys, it's that it's okay to be who you are. Just be safe when it comes to sex and make sure it's with the right person. Good luck!

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Curtis

Hey, I'm Curtis. I live in a town in Sussex, England, UK, where I'm out as bisexual to quite a lot of people. I'm fifteen at the moment. I don't believe in any God - I truly believe that there is nothing "out there". Mind you, I know few other atheists, and have been brought up in a mainly Christian part of the world. Listening to those Christians who believe that homosexual love or sex is wrong is difficult, when many of my best friends are Christians, yet they are my friends, and I know that they would never disown me because of my sexuality.

Those who are aware of my sexuality understand it isn't a choice, isn't anything to do with my surroundings, and isn't anything I will ever change. I am out to... pretty much everyone, bar my family (not including my Mum, who I've talked about it with), and a couple of friends. When I'm around them, I don't really talk about guys, but as they know me, I'm fairly certain they are all aware I'm not straight. My male friends don't have issues with it. My female friends don't. I can be quite camp, but yet I can do suave and fairly macho too, I guess. Not being straight has no links with masculinity, in my opinion. It's just that some gay/bi guys are camp so that other guys will realise they're gay/bi.

I don't have plans to "come out" to anyone. It's not such a major thing, in my opinion. It's about as important as whether I like ice skating or the fact that my hair is dark brown. My Dad can come talk to me about it if he wants, but I'll make sure to let him know before I bring my first boyfriend home to meet the family. To be honest, I should think my Mum has talked with him about it, as they are so close. It doesn't worry me much that I haven't discussed properly it with him. However, I know he thinks that bisexual people are just 'confused' or 'undecided'. I'll have to make sure to correct him on that.

Well, my story. I guess it was from a young age I was aware that I wasn't straight, but I never really questioned it that much. I just did what I did and didn't think about it much. I guess at the point where I was just browsing the internet and I stumbled across gay porn - that's when it really hit me.

Even though I live fairly close to Brighton (which is, if any of you don't know, the 'gay capital of the UK'), I never grew up knowing anyone who was gay or bisexual. I was aware I was bisexual, but kept it under my collar for a while. My first crush was on a girl, and my first love, a different girl. So it was odd in a way - I'd developed romantic attraction to girls but physical attraction to both genders. That girl and I, after a long time not being sure what to do and worrying about who would make the first move, dated. I say 'dated' - we were fairly young at the time, so it was just that we were together, you know? It worked well for a while, but at one point, I felt underappreciated by her, and cut links with her. Young and foolish, I'd say.

Anyway, after a fair while of really not talking much at all and awkward emotions, we finally got back together, and made a real go of it. Mind you, in this time, I'd experimented with one of my best friends (female - although we'd never gone all the way), so this other girl was not to be my first to do anything sexual with. By this time, my friends were aware of my sexuality, as was this girl. It didn't seem a problem for her at all, and I don't think it ever really was. So we went out on walks together, could stay up forever chatting, and one evening, I came round and made dinner for her and her little sister. I did a lot for her. And I loved doing things for her, because she meant a lot to me.

Yet again the same problem arose - I didn't feel appreciated. She became very clingy, didn't have much time for me, and would often break down because (in my opinion) tried to do too much with her life - and was leading a very stressful life at a fairly young age - she was 15 then.

So, naturally, my attention started to waiver. As a group of friends, we are very liberal people - we don't shy away from talking about love, sex, and everything in between. Well, there was this one guy.... like there always is. He enjoyed teasing me - indulging my fantasies - whatever you want to call it. Online, we'd 'talk dirty' to each other. But there was always this element of affection. We were really good mates, and there was this definate chemistry between the two of us, even though I already had a girlfriend.

One day in July, after the half an hour walk home with another of my mates, I stood on my street corner alone, looking up at the blue summer sky. I realised that I was falling in love for the second time; this time, with my best mate... who was a guy.

I am a lucky guy - all throughout my life, I've been surrounded by couples who are very much in love, and very romantic. My parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncle are all the sorts of couples who kiss in public, before they leave for work, when they bring each other cups of coffee, that sort of thing. You can see it in their eyes, too. I've spend all of my childhood surrounded by love - I can recognise it easily. I know heterosexual love well.

So I thought - naively, I guess - that when I fell in love with a guy (for I was pretty sure it was gonna happen eventually) it would feel odd - different to heterosexual love, which I see every day. But it truly was the most natural thing in the world, and for a short while, I knew I was falling head over heels in love with my guy and I loved it.

Eventually, though, reality had to strike. My girlfriend was always was someone I could talk to about anything and everything. I told her, and she said she'd do her utmost to help me through it. I broke down in front of her, afraid of the difficulties ahead. It was the end of that school year, and I went on holiday to Cornwall. This was where I realised the gravity of it all. I missed my guy so much.

He was also on holiday, but the day he, I, and also my girlfriend were back, we all met up. In the end, she let me know she wasn't strong enough to support me through it. And, since I had been paying attention to my guy, she had the wandering eye too - there was someone else she liked. We broke up. I confessed my love for my guy, to which he had no idea how to react, not least because I was the first person to tell him that they were in love with him. I saw him a good few times before the end of the holidays - as much as possible. But all the flirting had stopped between us. He wasn't sure how to do things, and although I didn't want things to change between us, they certainly did.

My Mum figured out in the summer. Like every mother knows their son, she was more than aware I wasn't straight. But my Mum was comfortable with it. She came to talk to me about it, one afternoon. She was fine with it. She too is very liberal, and doesn't have those prejudices that some do. She didn't cry, she didn't get angry, and she never questioned it. She and my Dad had a bisexual friend when they were young.

Back at school, I was outed, in a way. I have never denied my sexuality, and always asked others to not deny it for me, but suddenly I was the centre of way too much unwanted attention. As was the guy I was in love with. It just made it a million times more difficult - the name calling was a little bit irritating, but I guess I'm a pretty popular guy, and so my mates, especially my best friend, Hannah, would always shout them down. So would I, actually. People made a fuss of it, but only one guy genuinely seemed to have a problem with it.

The rumours we'd done stuff together was the worst to deal with, though. I wanted, more than anything else, to show my love to my guy. I did truly want him (like, physically) - but I wanted him because I loved him; wanted to make love to him, to make him happy. I still do, although I've given up that hope really, and as he doesn't love me, I know it wouldn't be right.

And I tried to "have" him, you know. But nothing came of it. Because it wasn't the right time for him, or I wasn't the right person for him. Probably both. Although he was the perfect person and it was the perfect time for me.

I put too much effort into that. Because I wanted him so much. I wanted his love, something he wasn't capable of giving me. I tried way too hard, embarrassed myself a million times over, in front of the whole world. I hated myself for that. But I've put that firmly in my past.

He's still affectionate with me - we hug, and when he's bored, he does that thing people do - plays with my hands, which I just think is the sweetest thing ever. In fact, quite a lot of the time we spend entwined - especially at parties and such, when there are less people than at school, to hassle and annoy. Despite the affection, the 'dirty talk' I mentioned earlier, and even the kisses, and the fumbling, he simply isn't in love with me. He's curious, and attracted to me, I'd say. But I can't be his partner half the time, and the other half just his mate. Living like that toys with your heart and your mind beyond belief. I've experienced pain beyond what I've ever felt before. But yet, when our lips touched, an electric jolt surged through my body. That kiss was the most.. magical... time in my life. It felt so right.

Now I know I have to make him decide. He has to choose me all the time, or never. It's likely he'll choose never. But I will live with that. I love him dearly, with all my heart, still, after months of trying to forget him, after months of trying to fall back out of love. Because putting that distance between us will make it easier for me. Setting those boundaries.

I believe in that with all my heart, too.

I fell in love with a guy who didn't love me back. But I have the most supportive friends, family, and community I could ever wish for. It is luck, in my opinion. I just hope you have the luck I had with them, and wish you all the best.

If there is one thing I've learnt from all my experiences so far?

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Love,

Curtis xx

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Anon, 20

well i guess im writing this becuase i felt alone during the whole gay realization. and i hope thiswill benefit someone.

ok! i think ive known i was gay since i was 5 or 6. i would see men on tv naked or in swimsuits and and get erections, but at the time i didnt know why. all through up to 7 th grade i would have girlfriends, cause at that age it seems the right thing to do.  when i got to high school i figured id meet some other gay guy and i guess id have someone to share it with. that didnt happen immediately and with going from a private to public school and puberty setting in it wasnt the best time for me. i wasnt and effeminate and no one really thought i was gay. to this day when i tell people they think im joking and theylaugh. anyway in 9th grade like any horny teen i was surfing the web for porn and my mom saw. it was the most ... humiliating thing ive ever experienced. that blew over she and she chaulked it up to me being curious (although im sure she knows).

ok freshman year ended and i met these really cool girls who im best friends with to this day and i took me a year to come out to them. i look back and i go why did i wait that long and i guess i was just scared. sophmore year i met ryan who i was really good friends with for a while. i always knew he was gay even though he never admitted it. i never really had a  crush (he was just the arrogant snob i knew) on him but we got closer and closer and then senior yeah we came out to each other. so the freshman year of college we kinda messed around. he was drunk and i was horny (it was new years what could i say). the next day it was a tad awkward.  we both agreed it was cool and we were friends with benefits (only catch was we couldnt sleep with other people). so about 9 months into that he lets some guy go down on him, he told me i went off and all i could think about was getting something. i got tested even after he assured me i was safe and i was clean.  exactly one year after our first encounter we did it again. little did i know it would be our last.

i went back to school from winter break. our 2 mutual friends said he wanted to tell me something, i immediatly said was it AIDS and they said no it isnt and that they werent going to tell me. of course i was mad and kinda forgot about it. so valentines day comes and thanks to myspace i see he had a boyfriend. i was so hurt, i knew we werent in a relationship but i was hurt non the less. i didnt bring it up like i knew to them i just erased him from my life. 6 months later he texted me he was sorry. as i bet he was cause that guy dumped him (lol). i was very eerie to talk to him and i was civil.

then i had an eye opener 3 months ago. my friend told me he may have HIV so then i freaked. what she didnt tell me is that the guy he just slept with told him he may have it. (this is horrible but i was like if he hadnt left me...) i heard that on sunday and didnt get tested to wednesday, i didnt eat and all i could think about it please not me. i was negative, (that was 10 months after new years). i developed these fears that maybe i got it from getting tested or from donating blood and maybe even my brand new sex toy (which i threw away). got tested 6 weeks after. (my advice is t0 stay off the net, thats what made me crazy.)

i just turned 20 and im abstinent. i have a big crush on my roomate who found out i was gay last year. it was torture i had to share a room with him and he like to take his shirt off and tease me and he was very curious about what gay sex was like. i offered to show him but he said he'd pass. i feel guilty cause i fondle him occassionally. he's like my best guy friend and like usual i fall in love with them. this time its really hard cause i live with him. ive given up on him but we occasionally play touchy feely. maybe one day ill date, but with all things that could go wrong im scared.

so what was the point of that ramble, perhaps nothing. im just trying to give some insight and show teenagers its ok to be gay.  no, i dont tell everyone im gay. i dont do it out of fear, but to keep me from hurting small minded people. most the gay people i know say im not proud cause i dont act flaming. and i tell them thats exactly what people thing of us.

so in closing i must say dont be afraid to be gay, dont let people tell u god hates you or its a choice. and most important ALWAYS use a condom. i cant stress that enough i dont care if ur in love with the person. ive read to many stories where people didnt think it could happen to them and it did.

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Son of muslims

Ever since I was like nine years old, I've been getting 'attractions' towards boys in my class. And ever since then, I keep hoping its just a phase. But evidently, its not. I'm now fourteen years old, but I have two more problems. My family is Islamic, and Islamic people, may be about peace and everything, but are VERY homophobic. Another problem, is I am in desperate need of finding love, and I know people will say ''Pace yourself, love will come when its ready.'' But, why doesn't love just come when I'M ready? I'm just having a lot of problems.

Over the years, I have told my closest friends (mostly girls, and you'll find its much more easier telling girls, than boys, because they can understand about your attractions towards boys) that I'm gay. They've been really supportive of me, but there's still the issue of me needing love. Haha. :) I had this major crush on some boy down my street named, Alex. He was goregoues, lovley eyes, dark hair, the perfect smile, cute laugh. But, sadly, straight. Over time, I grew to just... accept I won't be finding love anytime soon. But I still desire it. Who doesn't?

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Anonymous

i am 15 and i live in the uk this year i discovered i was gay at first i could not believe it i was stunned.

me and my straight friends always hang out together. one day we were dared to swim naked in the pool
so we took the challenge up. me and my friends (who are male) jumped in the pool naked i started to get an erection and my friends started to laugh asking why i had one. i then told them i was gay they said that's ok mate.

i found that it is better to tell your friends before your parents because your friends are more easy going.
im now 15 and a half and i have seen this hot guy he is 15 also he catches my bus one day he invited me over to his house for the night (he doesn't know I'm gay) that night his parents went to bed at about 10.00 at night and so did we. at around 2 o'clock in the morning we woke up and he came into my bed i said "oh hi" he said ' i love you I'm gay' and i said so am i.

We sat and talked for 10 mins then he put his hands in my underpants and took them off he took his off to we did something's you would rather not hear about but I'm now going out with him our love for each other is still private but we pash all the time.

the moral of this story is its ok to be gay and the gay community love you for who you are.

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Feeling the love

Well, where do I start. I'm nineteen and currently a college student. My story may be like the rest of yours.

I would say that I've been aware about my gay-ness since about the age of five. Even though I probably had no clue what "gay" was, I remember being attracked to men. Though I claim never have had a crush I remember having one on my older sister's boyfriend Michael when I was about nine or ten. If you repeat that I'll deny it without a thought.

I've tried desperately to conceal my homosexuality. I would say that I'm not  effeminate, but in earlier grades and less frequently in high I was asked if I were gay, to which I would reply no. I hated school because of it. Feeling you have some thing to hide tends to dampen any positive feelings.

I remember a time, that now when I look back, was a big mistake. In middle school there was the kids who said looked like. All the girls thought he was cute (which I find strange because no one said the same about me... well at least to my face). Anyway, back to the story. So a lot of girls liked him, which was strange because my "gay-dar" would go off every time he would come to school. One day in history as we were watching some bull about the '20s he passed me a note. He wrote backwards so if some was trying to read it they would have difficulty. (I didn't say he was smart) In the letter asked me these questions that alluded to sex with me which made me feel every uncomfortable.

So like the next week we had a field trip and the letter was still bothering me so I told my best friend about the letter and she suggested that I tell a teacher. So next day I did. Next thing I know it was all over school. My friend had told every one. I felt so bad for the kid. The school said it was sexual haressment. He got in all kinds of trouble. I felt like I ruined school for him.

This moment pushed back my coming out like three years. I'm really sorry about it and if you're out there and think I may be talking about you I'm sooo deeply, truly sorry. Words cannot express how much regret I feel for what I did.

Then in high school I found myself lying to fit in. I made up girlfriends. Lied about how many people I've been with. And all this did was make me hate myself more. Then on LGBT Community's day of silence of this year I came out to my siblings. I was like I great lifted off my whole being. Completely liberting. A few weeks later I came out to my mom... okay I kind of just asked a series of questions that would lead her there. Even though she tries to support me, I can tell she hopes its a phase. Then I week later my cousin as if I was gay. I said yes with pride, I felt I had reall gotten some where. He thinks it a choice, but who cares our relationship hasn't changed. They only people I have not told are my aunt, whom I live with and older sister. I'll get around to my sister on National Coming Out day, my aunt on the other hand--not to sure, though I'm sure she has heard from some one.

So I'm starting to feel good about my sexuality, when I begin to feel pressure from my church. I should first state that I was forced to go to church every Sunday since freshmen year. Its a really fundamentalist church. No gay allowed. Its seems like every time there was a sermon it was about gay. "Gay to Hell" sermons. I felt like I was being pushed back into the closet. I becoming depressed. Suicidial even. Then two weeks ago I decided that I just could not go any more. And I'm feeling happier than even.

Oh yeah!! So I have the best friends ever. My high school was known as the "gay" school, as in homsexual. And through out the whole thing I felt I was wondering where is the gay. I mean I knew gay people, not I'm sorry "bi." But no one I felt comfortable with. Then over the summer my friend  came out. I so glad he did. Now I have some one to talk to.

Before I leave I just want every to know that we're in this together. We can be the support when the world fails to understand. I LOVE all of you!! And that I hope you saw that I used the possessive when referring to my sexuality. We have to own it. Not one of us can risk being labeled by society.

PS - I did proof read and want every one to know that this is not a sign of my intelligence.

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Tom

Hi, my name is Tom. I'm 14 years old and come from south east london. I first realised that i was gay when i was 13.

When i was doing a show with a boy called Giorgio i first knew i was gay. We were sitting in the wings when he put he arm around me and started cuddling me, so i joined in. During the course of the show we were holding hands a lot and touching each other. I think that he was just being a mate but i really enjoyed it and that's when i knew I had feelings for him. He would sit on my lap quite a few times and i used to get scared that i might get a boner.

A year later I came out to my dancing friends and I told Giorgio that i very much loved him. To my disbelief he was ok with it and are friendship hadn't changed. I think he is so cute and i always dream about touching and kissing him. When he is near me he just makes me feel so good and I just wish he felt the same way.

About a month ago I was at a party and Giorgio was there. We all got a bit drunk and after a while me and him snogged. He says he's not gay, but to snog me even knowing that I'm gay he must be or bi.

From an early age I have always been teased for acting camp and because I dance. I love dancing and this all I want to do in life. I just want people at school to except me for who I am. I have only told a few friends that I was gay including a gay friend at school. I think that it is an advantage to me having gay friends because we can talk about gay stuff.

When I told my mum that I was gay she wasn't that shocked because I am a dancer. She did cry but she said that she will still love me and is proud that I have come out.

When I masturbate, I masturbate over my friends who are boys and I sometimes finger myself. I do talk about wanking with my straight friends, who are quite curious of how I know I am gay and what I like about boys.

There is nothing wrong with being GAY

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Spinner

Hi, my name is Dan, but my friends call me Spinner. I'm 15 years old and I realized I was gay since I was 11.

Since I was in 5th grade I would look at guys and imagine them naked and I liked it. When I was in 6th grade I was at a friends house and we were talking and he kissed me just to see what it was like. When I was in 8th grade I came out to my school and my mom and sister. Everyone supported me. Last summer I was out with my friends and some guys came up to us and started to beat me up for being gay even though I never told them I was. My friends were able to get them off me and called the cops. I had to go to the hospital and get stitches and I broke 2 ribs. I was going to tell my dad, but he is homophobic and he refers to gays as "sick fags who need to be put on some island".

Last year in class I took a liking to a boy named Dave. He was 16, had black hair and green eyes. One day he came up to me and asked me to tutor him and I said I would and he told me to come to his house. That day I went to his house and after an hour of studying he asked if I wanted to take a swim and stay over night. I said yes and we went for a swim. I saw he was very athletic and had the perfect body. That night we went to his room and he only had one bed so we shared. At 2 a.m. i woke up with him touching my 'thing'. I asked what he was doing and he was so embaresed and said he was gay and that he really liked me. Then i leaned over and kissed him and we went from there to have sex.

One day he came to my house and we were kissing when my dad walked in. He freaked out at me and Dave and blamed Dave for turning me into a fag, but I jumped in and told him I was gay. He was stunned and that night he slept at a hotel. I talked to him the next day and told him that if he wanted to pretend it never happened then he could, but I was going to keep dating Dave and that sooner or later he would have to deal with it. He is comming to terms with it and Dave and I have been together for 3 months and he is going to be a junior and i'm going to be a sophmore. I'll be 16 in 3 weeks.

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-DJ

Hi, my name is DJ. I'm 18, and I found out that I was attracted to both men and women when I was very young. I was five, and remember this vividly. My older brother was pointing to a large bilboard in NY city. It had a woman on it who was almost naked. He said that he liked it, and I told him that I sort of did. But I wouldnt mind it being a guy either. I have had many crushes on male friends.

When I hit puberty at 12 I realized that I would always enjoy looking at both men and women. So I didnt really want anyone to know I was that way. So I just kept dating girls even if I didnt like most of them. But when I was with them they would notice that I would stare at other people, and not girls either. Men.

It was around 13 turning 14 I met my friend Alex. He was this very solitary boy who lived down the street from me and went to an online school because his parents didnt want him going to any school saying it was different here, as to where he moved from. He was originally born in Italy, but both his parents were half japanese half white. So they moved to Japan and he lived there until he was 12. And then moved all around america until he moved down the road from me.

We would always hang out and he would make fun of me for being smaller than him. Now at the age of 18 I am only 5'7'' and he is a tall 6'3''. We still talk about how it started between us. It was around halloween. And his younger brother, mother, and father had gone out to trick or treat. I stayed over his house because my family did the same.

We were in his room watching the random horror movies that were on tv. And he asked me if I liked anyone. I didnt tell him I liked men, I just said "no not right now why?" he then looked at me and just kinda smiled. It was rare when he smiled. That was when he told me that he was gay. And I had to come out to him. From then on we would always hug each other or kiss one another just because we wanted to.

When we were 15, we started to masturbate with one another, which then lead to oral sex. We have never gone farther than that saying that its not right because we dont love one another. Until this day we still hang out and hug each other. But we call one another a sleeping buddy. Because he'll stay over my house and instead of sleeping on my pull out couch bed, he will sleep in my bed with me.

I have relationships like this with lots of my friends. And to all of you who are worried about coming out, dont be. At first people will be a little disturbed, but later on they will accept it and some people will then come out to you. And even though I have done this with men, I still have a healthy relationship with a girl, who I have been with for two years now. And to top that off, I also have a crush on another girl and boy. I know that I dont love the other boy and girl. But I still know that I am bisexual and it was hard at first thinking that I wanted to touch other boys.

Just work your way through it and you'll all be okay. Its not as bad as you think. So more power to all of you.

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A poem

Hi,

I recently wrote a poem about the time I had a relationships with a gay man. I am still uncertain about my sexuality and this is an expression of the feelings I had at the time. You are welcome to post it if you think it is appropriate content for this site.

Warm regards

Andrew

" I built a wall around my sensitiveness,
to protect me from your view,
a multiple of viewpoints all struggling with you.

My anger,
my doubt,
my fear and my pain ,
will stop me from feeling anything for you,
once again.

I feel my ego welling up from inside,
that part of me which has kept me safe,
and allowed me to hide.

A multiple of attitudes all competing at once,
from both sides of this great divide,
keep me ensconsed.

Hiding out in the feeling that everything's okay
but in reality the fear is, well, maybe i'm gay.

"

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Alan

i don't know when i realised i was gay but it was a few years ago now (i'm 17). in the easter holidays of 2005 i became really good friends with this lad in my school, we lived locally and hung out all the time. i don't know how it started but we began to masturbate together, in fields or where ever. everyday.

this continued for a few months, when christmas arrived i had had about enough of giving subtle hints and whilst we were playing with our soldiers i asked him to take over mine as my arm 'hurt'. He did. up till new years eve we did this regulary swapping arms. we used to just say we were men and it didn't mean anything. We still keep to that story.

New years eve arrived and we both went to the same party and got quite drunk, that night i got myself a girl friend and we're still together now. you see i'm bisexual not solely gay. when the party finished me and my mate stayed at mine as mum and dad were away, i think we both pretended to be drunk as when we arrived home we undressed and went and sat outside for a fag in nothin but open dressing gowns!

even though i have 6 individual wooden seats outside we sat together on the table, infact we laid on it and star gazed. after a while i felt a hand on my wood and before i knew it we were just gettin off with each other and stuff, after a while we returned indoors and watched some straight porn to which we masturbated and eventually ended up in the 69 position. we never had anal sex and to this day the only thing that has been up there is a dildo, you see i'm not nervouse bout that part i've brought 3 magazines and a couple of dvds aswell as a dildo, although things are wierd with my girl friend in the way we still get together for session from time to time, (not often enough though).

so be proud of what you are and don't commit yourself to one side of the fence too early. i may be gay but my hetrosexual life is just as good. make sure your ready to admit to it and dont be scared to try everythin once.

Alan.

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James

im 17 and live in the uk

ive always felt i was gay sinse i was little as i always thought guys were cute but always thought everyone felt that. as i grew i i relised that i had sexual feelings towards guys and relised i was gay. i wasnt so bothered by it but i felt people around me would be. ive always had the mic taken out of me sinse i was little because i was a bit different, 'posh boy' 'poofta' etc but i still managed to have a few girlfirends as i felt i had to cover my tracks.

i came out when i was 14 and it was the hardest thing i ever did. i came out to a few of my friends at school but it seemed to had got right round the school and i soon knew how people felt about me as a homosexual. sometimes i would have stuff throw at me like open yogurts and there wasnt that many days i didnt come home not covered in something. a few times i had a few threats but i knew how to stick up for myself.

i remember when i told my mum i was gay. i sat in the car with her for about 30mins trying to get it out of my mouth but i couldnt. i was too shakey and nervous. eventually i told her and she was kind of shocked but she sed she still loved me no matter what. it took about a year for her to relise and settle with the idea that i was gay but sometimes she still finds it a bit hard now. but i cant really blame her, i am her 1st son.

now though things have changed a little. i moved away from that school and now go to a college miles away from where i live and away from the ignorant people who gave me hassle. in the space of 3 months i managed to bag myself a boyfriend and it was something i always dreamed of! i was finally in a place where there was more then 1 gay then just me.

i still get some stick now but to be honist it is going to happen. i am gay and proud and my mates love me for it although im not really camp.

one thing i would like to say that some people are taking to many risks with gay sex. although you wont get pregnant you can still catch STD's and HIV and with the numbers riseing it would be a good idea to wrap up.

be gay and proud and dont let anyone else tell you different. it is the normality and is ever growing. it the joining of 2 beautiful souls who love each other and nothing else. i know i am proud

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Joe

Hi, I'm still a bit confused about my sexuality cause I think I'm gay but I like women too. Maybe I'm bi but I'm not so sure. See it started when I was in year 9. I was 13 then. I was on a school trip to London, 5 of my mates were going aswell.When we had seen a west end show, we went to the hotel and the teacher said to pick a friend to share a room with, me and me mate sam shared a room and our mates went next door to us.

Lots of things happened that night and at first I didn't properley realise the truth about me mate sam. First of all he was eager to share a room with me, then after the teacher had knocked on the door and said to get ready for bed sam asked me what I was going to wear in bed and I said properly just boxers cause the weather was quite warm.

We then started to undress and I didn't realise at the time that he was watching me get undressed, I first took of my shirt and then sat on my bed and took of my socks I then took of my trousers and turned around to sam, he was taking of his trousers at the time and I asked him if he was going to have a shower he said that he will have one in the morning. So I got into bed and turned on the tele and tried to find the porn channel but I couldn't find one so I got out my mobile and looked at a few videos on it. I then got a erection and started to masturbate, I said jokingly to sam, sorry the videos on my phone gave me an erection, he said that was alright.

After a while we decided to, as a joke, to share the same bed.We thought this was a bit gay so we put on some pyjama trousers so it wasn't so gay. After a while sam slowly moved his hand up and down my left thigh, I thought he was joking so I started to rub his leg up and down with my foot, then he moved his hand around and felt my penis. I looked at him and said don't take it too far, he just smiled and took his hand away and then he started to pull down his trousers so he was totally naked he said to me to take mine off, I was a bit shocked by this so I just took mine off. We started to feel eachothers penis' and then we got a hard on and started to masturbate eachother, it felt nice so we carried on for ages.

After that we always went around eachothers houses and at night we waited until everyone was asleep and we would get into the same bed and would start feeling eachother, we're still doing it now and I love it.

But the thing is me and a girl who is hot went into the toilets together and had a pretty good time,so as you can see I'm still not sure.

I haven 't told anyone else yet and I am not sure if I will.

Remember don't let homophobes put you down, you are what you are and if they don't like it well it's tuff on them.

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Scared to tell

Well hello i am a junior in high school, i live in California. See not long ago i found out that i was well gay. See its hard for me to say this for many who hear this word think the worst when to me the word gay means secrecy. its hard for me to say that i am gay because i just found out last year when i had the most fantastic dream it was a dream where for the second time i felt something in the heart.

Not long ago i had a relationship with this girl i loved her so much for about 4 years but then that special feeling left my body as if it was just a quick wind that blew threw me. Then when i felt Adrians lips kiss mine i felt the most wonderful thing. Ever since then i have been so depresed for that kiss was a dream.

Now i check out guys which creeps me out but i do it with no harm. Adrian see he is now is a Sophmore in high school, i see him evry day every waking day of my life and it kills me. his deep blue ocean eyes burn mine. those eyes incarnated by the sky kill me softly.

I wish i could yell to the world this secret but my Father hates homosexuals. Our family is catholic and to be gay is a sin. my friends wont mind but i just cant tell anyone scared alone and shy all these feelings in this body decay me.

Adrian see he is such a lovely guy but i have no idea if he is gay. his last name i cant say only that it is the most strangest yet lovely last name. I need help for i happen always to be depressed when i happen to see Adrian. He seems to see me to we both stare at each other but we say nothing only a nice kind satre and a half smile.

AVERT.org has information and advice for young men who have recently discovered they are gay.

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