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It all started when I was 13 years old, when I was beginning to recovering from cancer. One week before my dad died I started to think I'm gay, I had no reason at all to think this. After my dad died I went to talk to my doctor and asked him for a counsellor and he told me he knew one. They all thought it was because of my father's death but it wasn't.
I started to have a few sessions with him every one week because it developed into an obsession. In fact, he diagnosed me with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and I do think he was right to this day because I want everything around me to be perfect. He prescribed me some medications and I admit, they did help me to calm down but the thoughts were still there. I was able to ignore them and continue a little bit with my life till I was 15. At this time of age I was considering suicide and for those of you who are reading this, I don't regret it at all.
I went to talk to my guidance counsellor at my school and she really helped me. I talked to her almost every day and she has become like my best friend. When I started to speak with her summer was around the corner and school was about to finish. I started to struggle with this obsession again and this time, I was able to talk with someone I could really enjoy talking to. Even though she told me I should give myself some time to see where things would go and that there is nothing wrong with being gay I still kept saying to myself that I didn't want to be gay.
This change altogether when one night, I was talking to a guy, who happened to be gay himself. I told him how I was feeling. I even told him that I couldn't see myself with another man, not kissing him nor sleeping with him. Then, he asked me this: "Could this be because you have never been around gays or perhaps because you were ever brought up thinking that even gay people can have a normal, successful life with a partner who they love and who he/she loves them back?" From that moment on I just knew I was gay.
After a few months, I came out to one of my sisters and also my mother. I have two other sisters but I never did come out to them (I don't really know why). I just told them to take me to a gay bar and they discovered I am gay on their own. However, I haven't told my brother yet. We don't get along that well and I just don't feel the time is right.
Anyway, so far everything is going well. I have found many people who have accepted me just as I am. Another thing, I am feeling a whole lot better now that I have accepted myself. And I'm not afraid to say it: I am a proud gay guy!
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