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Stories

Silas

Living in my country is hard, living in my country and being gay... well...

I come from a very religious family, it seems most gay's do (I take this as God sending a message...). My parents are openly homophobic, they say things like "Gays should be burned to death" , "They are going to hell" Etc. Etc. Even my father who i though maybe would be better with it has said at one given time, "They should be taken to an island and drowned". So I knew the news wasn't going to go over well.

I knew I was different when I was really young, but I didn't know exactly in what way till I was like 12, when I realized I liked boys over girls, of course i kept this part of me hidden, even from myself. That was a bad idea. I got really depressed, even suicidal. I overcame my suicidal thoughts but I did it by cutting myself, i saw it as a way of punishing myself for not being normal, as well as punishing my mom. My mom is very verbally abusive, without knowing it. It came to a point where the only reason I could live in my house is by blocking her out completely, I mean i love the woman but seriously? I finally took the plunge and called my friend and asked him to meet me in the park cuz i had something to tell him. He already knew, (i had been dropping some major hints) but i knew he was waiting for me to tell him. I finally gathered up the courage and through tears i told him i was gay. Her was fine with it, as i knew he would be, but he knew i had to say it, if only to come out to myself. My other best friend was also very religious, i never wanted to tell him because i feared i would lose him as a friend, but i didn't like lying to him. It was agony, that was solved for me, he sent me a text saying "Dude I know you're gay, i've your bestfriend, ofcourse I know, I'm fine with it." I was a very good night that night.

Only those two know for certain, and some of my other online friends. Of course many people suspect, but i'm not close enough to anyone else to have to tell them anything. I'm happier now. I know i will have to eventually come out to my parents, but i also definitively know i will lose them either way. I am also looking forward to finding a boyfriend... of course over here its harder than finding a needle in a barn full of hay...

My encouragement is this. Being gay shouldn't change any relationship, be with family members, friends, anyone. It may hurt for a while, but ultimately its your life. You have one life, its your God given duty to make the best of it. Don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. It's you life, get out there and live it.