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Well here goes. Before I start I know your eyes probably hurt with all the "googling" you've been doing, as well as your fingers... So if its any help... Dont google... You'll send yourself mad!! You can certainly google specific things, but dont just type in HIVAIDS... because that information can be A. Unreliable and B. Confusing.
Trust me, I've spent many of sleepless nights wondering if I could live a normal life again, because of some advice I believed from some random person, who was given the mighty title of "Top contributor" on "Yahoo Answers"... What sounds important, just too bad they aren't your doctor....
It wasnt always easy to weed though that mess, I first learned of my virus when i had taken ill suddenly after having unprotected sex with my monogomus partner of almost a year. I was hospitalized for several days and was asked to submit an HIV test to rule everything out.
Well you see, at this point I felt they were on the wrong track because I had taken an HIV test shortly before this boyfriend and didn't feel i needed to submit another one. Now that I think about it, did I actually think he was fine, just because he looked normal?
Anyhow, I explained to my boyfriend at the time that they are saying that it's HIV, well I thought I was going to marry this man because of what he said next, His words were "HIV? What?!?! Well if it is, at least we'll both have it" ...I still shutter when I think that, that man really intentionally infected me. Well by this time (I know of this now) He had started to get weaker.
Turns out the stress and the fact that he hadn't taken his meds for years got to him and he ended up suffering from pneumonia and toxoplasmosis... This is when he broke down and told me of his status. Now some might think that I threw his butt in jail, but i didnt... I stuck by his side as he lay dying in a hospital... (He's Alive and kicking today... Its bitter-sweet)
After another 2 years of emotional and verbal abuse and thinking I wouldn't be able to find love again, I finally left him.
Its been over 3 years and i've never felt better. I've been positive since 2004 and just started meds January of 2010 and I feel great, I have started dating again... slowly but surely. I now feel it is my gift and curse. I'm sure I dont have to explain the curse, but as for the gift goes; I now see my body as something to protect and i'm very particular as to who gets close to it. This is reflective in most of my relationships, and because I have a purpose for it, If they choose to leave, so be it... I did it to protect myself, and potentially them.
Dont let this virus get you down, its a mind over matter thing...
HIV is a noun, not an adjective. It does not describe or define who you are. You were somebody before HIV, and you are somebody now. Your character did not change; your awareness of your health status did.
So its a long road, but you'll get through it.... We all will... One day at a time XX God bless