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I'm an 18-year-old girl and I was diagnosed with HIV at 16. I was not born with it and I am still a virgin and at times I just want to kill myself.
My mother died of AIDS when I was 14, but I only found out months before that she had been living with the disease. It was already months, or years too late because I had shared so many things with her that I would otherwise not have had I known.
For two years living with my estranged dad I didn't know that I was infected, but the signs started showing. Eventually I got tested, but have only had to start taking the pills a few months ago.
For over a year I have been depressed and even tried killing myself. It is unfair that I have never done anything wrong and yet I have to live with my mother's consequences.
Recently, I have found a really nice guy and who asked me out, and I said yes. We have been going out for over a month and he knows I am a virgin so he is not pushing me to have sex until I am ready. What he doesn’t know is that I'm keeping this secret from him, and jeopardizing his health by doing so.
I want to have sex, and I want to tell him my secret because I've fallen for this guy, and he makes me feel loved and brings out the best in me. Since I met him I have become a different person and am quickly getting over my depression, but I am afraid to tell him because I know he is negative and I don’t want to lose him. I really wish someone could advise me about this but my father is the only one who knows about my status and i cant talk to him about this boy...