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Maddie 1

I'm 17 and a junior in high school. For as long as I can remember I've felt like the black sheep. In my family, with my friends in any category. And I think it's because I never really have come to terms with who I am. I don't know who I am. I have an amazing boyfriend, who I care about immensely. And I'm physically attracted to him but when I'm with him I'm never fully satisfied. Or with any guy. I am more attracted to women and I'm so bi curious it hurts. My school isn't very accepting and I'm afraid to tell anyone. I kissed my best friend at a party once but it was only for 10 seconds and I don't really remember it. I tried to convince myself it was just a phase. But I fantasize and have dreams about girls all the time. Another one of my friends and I were joking about how we were 'in love' and she asked me if I wanted to actually try something sometime. I told her to stop messing with my head. I thought it was just for a laugh. But she was serious. That was a few days ago and I want to bring it up again. We both don't like each other that way, she's pretty but just my friend. So I can't see the harm in kissing her. I'd love to kiss her. My heart races when I think about it. But I am so afraid. However after reading everyone else's stories I feel even more compelled to do something about it. So I just wanted to thank everyone for being so open.

AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page on Coming Out