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Kirsten

My name is Kirsten. I am 18 years old. My first crush was in Kindergarten on a girl named Erica. At the time, and for many years to come, I thought nothing of it. Since then I've had crushes on males, but I can never seem to attach to them emotionally or feel as if I could really connect with them beyond basic biological urges. I suppose that makes me, technically, bisexual, although I dont necessarily like the title. I identify as lesbian. If i ever end up in a lasting and meaningful relationship, it will be with a girl. I only admitted all of this to myself in full force a few months ago. My current attachment is to my best friend. She knows how I feel about her and is somewhat bisexual herself. She had a crush on me in the past, but i was too blind and scared to see it, and, true to fate, I missed out. We still maintain a relationship as strong as ever, though, and I couldnt ask for a better friend. She is one of three people who know about my sexuality. I cannot come out to my family. My mother is extremely Catholic and is outspokenly against homosexuality. My father was not religious, but he comitted suicide two months ago. He was the only person I had considered coming clean to within the family. The area in which I live is very Christian. People are very openly against homosexuality and I fear how I would be treated if people knew. I am in the top of my graduating class. Straight A's. Going into either Geo or Astrophysics and Anthropology. I do not see a way to live both lives openly, and so, at least for now, i will remain silent.