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Well I suppose I was about 14, started thinking men were attractive, but I thought this was completely normal, it wasn't until later I found out and said wait a minute, i think about men, and I don't find women all that attractive at all.
I began hating myself, thinking I was wrong, that I was dirty in some way, and when i started watching pornography that feeling grew, id sit there after and cry over what id done.
I struggled with this hatred of myself for a long time, lashing out at jokes people made about being gay even though they were just jokes, no-one knew about what I was going through, they were just your average teenager jokes, but they stuck with me,
After a while I realised, I'm gay aren't I, I'm going to have to accept it or I will hate myself forever. and although it was difficult i resolved my complex feelings about being gay.
Its hard to cope with, especially when there's no gay people around you to talk to and discuss your feelings with.
Ive probably waffled on far too much, Im just saying what i remember of my time.
I remember coming out to friends, one still wont talk to me anymore but a friend who does that isn't a friend at all.
remember you are not alone, there's many people out there who will understand your feelings.
I still haven't told my parents yet, im still really nervous about that subject, but in public Everyone knows, because I'm proud of who I am.
<3 good luck everyone xxx and don't hate yourself. ever