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Jay 3

First of all if you're somebody that is negative reading this please make sure you know your status as nerve wrecking it might be your better off because otherwise you’ll be putting a love one at risk....

Am 28 just got diagnosed with HIV, I’m still in denial and think about hurting myself more then a few times a day. However I’m holding on because I have to be strong for myself and for my bf of 3 months whose younger then me. I just worry so much for him he tested negative and give or take I just pray so much for him that in those three months he comes out negative. I rather him be negative then go through this. Even thoughhe is the one thats been keeping me together. I’m not ready to tell anybody else not even my best friend.

I pray to god everyday for forgiveness and strength. Although I know that life goes on but its hard for me because my family don’t like the fact that I am gay let alone telling them that I’m HIV positive and my poor mother she is already devastated that I’m gay now this would crush her even more.

However life must go on like I’ve read in these stories this makes you want to enjoy life more and see what is more important with the limited time that we have. Like my bf says things happen for a reason and I believe in God and I say if thats what he wants for me then I want it also.

So for others like me who are at my level and don’t be ignorant even though thats always the first reaction that come out when you first get diagnosed and I can say it because I was one of them when I found out I wanted to jump out the window but it crossed my mind that its not the end.

I know people thats been living with it for some time now and they are strong and i know and pray god that i get to that level even my bf whose negative is stronger then me about this and teaches me how to be strong and to keep my sanity.

AVERT.org: being diagnosed with HIV can cause a number of reactions and some of these are discussed on our ‘ Learning you are HIV positive' page, which a lot of people find helpful. There are many support groups available for HIV positive people and we would also urge people to access these, if you are struggling with a diagnosis.