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My parents never actually gave me "the talk", so everything I knew about sex I learned through my friends and through the Internet. I was always curious about it. I mean, everyone made such a big deal about it. I knew that for me, the first time wouldn't be a big deal like it was for most people. I wasn't caught up in the whole having it with THE ONE and making it absolutely perfect. I wanted it to be passionate and unplanned.
One summer, I met a really attractive guy named Jamie. We worked together, and at first I had planned for us to just hook up and have fun during the summer before I went off to school. However, I'm not a hook-up kind of girl, and I realized I had feelings for him. After knowing him for a month, he became my boyfriend. Two weeks after that, we went on a date, and ended up going to his house. Talking led to sitting on his bed, which led to making out, which led to removal of garments. I found that I was the one pushing for sex. I wanted to do it, and I wanted to do it with him. I was going to Europe for a month in a few days, and I wanted to do it before I left. However, I was ending my period and we decided to wait.
The next day, I went to his house again, and this time my period was completely over. Once again, talking led to sitting on his bed, which led to making out, which led to removal of garments. I was the one who initiated it, and Jamie kept asking me if I was sure. Although at the time I didn't know facts, I figured he was not a virgin, and I considered that to my advantage because he would know what to do. Surprisingly, I felt as though instincts were telling me what to do even though I had never actually done any of it before. Finally, the moment of truth came. He carefully and slowly inserted himself into me. Sure, it hurt a little, but the feeling of him inside of me overpowered any pain I felt.
I later learned that Jamie had lost his virginity at 12, and he had had one very serious girlfriend. As our feelings got stronger for each other, it was hard to think of him having sex with other girls before me because I felt that he was less mine. However, I found that sex brought us closer together and made us more comfortable with each other. It also made our feelings for each other deeper and stronger. He waited for me while I went to Europe for a month, even when we couldn't talk much due to high phone costs and the time differences. When the summer came to an end and I was heading off to school in Chicago (over 700 miles away from him), he told me he wanted to stay with me and work it out in a long-distance relationship. Today, six months later, we're still together. It's been hard, but I realized that it is our feelings keeping us together through it all. Sex is NOT our relationship, but merely a part of our relationship.