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Igor

Hello, my name is Igor. I am 25 and I'd like to tell you about my life.

I was eighteen when I lost my virginity. It was a boy I slept with, not a girl. I was a teenager of about 13 or 14 years old when I realized that I was attracted to men and I liked the feeling like this. I've even never kissed or slept with a woman nor wished her to be my lover. Though, I have a lot of female friends. It was my best female friend I came out to and she accepted me as I am. I accepted my homosexual sexuality a long time ago and now I have no shame or things like that. But there is one thing that makes me feel really upset and unhappy and that is I live in Russia.

Russia is negatively famous for its homophobic attitudes towards homosexuality. The Russians consider gay people miserable, mental disabled and the most disgusting beings on earth. It's very dangerous to be a gay in this country like Russia. If you are a gay you have two ways to live. The first one is to come out and then to become an outcast and the second one to hide your homosexuality and live with fear that someone will learn about you. The most Russian gays follow the second way. Despite this sad fact there can always be some exceptions as everything depends on people. I know some gay men that came out to their families and friends and got as much support and love as their loved ones were able to give. Anyway the majority of gay people prefer to keep silence because of fear. As for me I'm of the same opinion and can explain why. Firstly, I know what it's like when people you love and expect them to be more understandable and sensible to you instead turn their back away on you. My cousins found out about me by chance while I was visiting them. They didn't say anything but when I went away they stopped to communicate with me. Secondly, I was beaten by two guys. I chatted with one of them on the Internet. He said he was a gay, gave me his cellphone number and suggested to meet but instead there appeared two types in front of me and hit me and took away my money and cellphone, insulted me because of my homosexuality and it was the main reason why they attacked me they said when the police found them out.

In spite of this I have stayed the way I was. Nothing will be able to stop me. I am a gay and I can confess that I am proud of it and can't imagine another life. Now I'm lonely but I hope that one day I'll found someone special I'll fall in love with and be able to make him the happiest man in the world no matter what people say or think about it.

Love, Igor

AVERT Says: If you feel personally affected by what was said in this story, or if you would like more information, please see our page: Resources for those who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Unsure.