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a hurt mom

I found out this week my son is HIV positive i haven't even gotten comfortable with the thought of him being gay my heart hurts so bad I'm 38 my son 23 I've been a mother since I was 15 we grew up together I'm trying to be strong for my son because he stressed he knew I was the emotional type and worry to much and I don't want him worrying about me this is to much to handle for a 23yr old it feels like I'm on an emotional roller coaster my heart is in mourning I've been questioning God loosening my faith I can't deal I wish it was me instead of him I love him so much and there's nothing I can do to save him its hard to stop crying I have other children I have to be strong for and take care of its hard when I can't focus this is taking over my mind