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Doug 1

Hey guys,

I am a 19 year old college student going for my degree in Biology/Zoology.  My story can be rather perplexed and simple.  It's weird but as I type this it will be the first time to say that I am probably bisexual.  I never thought of myself as full blown gay because I do have a strong liking for women and I do hope to one day be married to a woman and have children of my own once I am out of college.

I've had many gay sexual encounters as a little boy and yes, my first gay sexual experience was probably as early as the age of 7.  It was with my friend who was the same age and I guess you can say we were experimenting or whatever.  This friend and I were having sexual encounters a lot all the way up until I was about 16 when he moved away.  We never had any "love" for each other, in fact we had sex so much that that's all our friendship was based on, sex.  I've had 3 sexual partners in my life, 2 being guys and 1 being a girl. 

My second partner was the guy who was my friend and who I thought was my best friend.  He and I are very masculine people and it was very surprising that I was able to do it with my best friend because he didn't strike as gay or bisexual at all and in fact he's the one that brought up the idea.  Our approach prior to having sex was weird because we tried to make sure that this would not damage our friendship at all.  He thought this encounter was experimenting, which it was for him, but obviously not for me.  Our friendship is not what it use to be now and it is basically a taboo to talk to him about what we did.  I thought that he could've been one of the only people that I could've talked to about this but he is clearly in denial about his sexuality too.  I am not involved with anyone currently and have not been in 2 years.

Anyway, I really can not see myself as being in a relationship with a guy and actually have no intention to.  I am in no way attracted to feminine guys, (no offense!), and if I am ever involved with a guy I'd like for him to be masculine.  I also have no intention on coming out and telling people I am bisexual.  Maybe I will when I get older and move away.  My goal is to have a best friend that I can talk to about any and everything.

I am glad that I am able to see some of the things that you guys are going through because it helped me to type this.  I have never told anyone about my story and no one knows about my past.  I want people that have possible similar stories to know that you are NOT alone! 

It is not easy for me to be this way because in my community there are a bunch of closed minded people that don't believe in there being a bisexual preference and they just see gay people as the stereotypical flamboyant person.

I plan on keeping my masculinity strong because I like it and I want people to know that gay/bisexual people are not what society sees them as.  We are people that are just the same as a heterosexual person that want equality and not to throw it in their faces or anything but I do believe that homosexuality has been out as long as heterosexuality has!  Thanks for reading!