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I am of 18 years of age and currently am a straight acting gay.
I am unaware if many other men/boys have experienced the same feelings as I have, none the less I want to express them by means of this site.
Situationally, I am finishing schooling in a all boys school in South Africa. I am priviliged to be in a country accepting of the gay community, and that I have an extremely accepting family.
As lucky as I seem to be I'm at a crossroads in my life. You see, I have no appeal to act like a lady or be feminine, infact I am exact opposite. I enjoy being a guy! I'm not sexually attracted to any of my friends and I enjoy going out with the guys. You see if I come out I am affraid of loosing touch with my friends and possibly my maculinity! I hope to some day find a loving partner, however I can only see myself with a masculine man who is not feminine. Its not that I have anything against 'feminine' gay men- I'm just NOT attracted to them. After researching this issue I have realised their aren't many gay men who are publicly gay and masculine, you see there's a tendancy for these masculine gay men to act straight or hide the fact that they gay.
I find my issue unique and not many men speak of it. I just pray that one day, when I have come out(which I am planning on doing towards the end of this year), that I will, eventually when I'm older,be able to find a partner that also takes preference in masculine gay men.
I hope that any gay men/boys whom read this and are currently acting straight will find the courage and stability to come out and be known as a MAN that loves another MAN!
Hope it was an interesting read, much appreciated!