Personal Stories of Women Living with HIV

Single Mom Living with HIV

All it took was one day.  In December of 2009, I had a friend fly in to town.  It was a friend who I dated exclusively and who I though he dated me exclusively.  I told him to bring a condom since we hadn't been together in a while and so he did.  In the middle of our encounter, he removed the condom because it was bothering him.  That's all it took.  Two or three weeks later, I started experiencing flu like symptoms; fever, chills,etc.

I asked my sister to take me to the hospital because I could not eat and felt really ill.  The doctor ran labs and to my surprise it wasn't the flu, I was diagnosed with herpes and chlamydia.  I could not believe I was going through this, I did not want to get tested for HIV because I was afraid of the results and so I didn't.

Life went one for about another year.  I worked and took care of my child and that's all I did.  I don't date anyone or haven't dated anyone since my herpes outbreak in 2009.  In November of 2010, I felt a bump in the back of my neck, it turned out to be a swollen lymph node.  I went to the doctor's to have it checked out and somehow got the courage to be tested for HIV.

One week later, I received the call.  It was my doctor asking me to come in right away; somehow, I knew that the news were not going to be pleasant.  I walked in to my doctors appointment and I was given the results.  HIV POSITIVE.  I was in a state of shock, could not believe the news and broke out in tears.  The first thing I thought about was my children, the oldest being 20 and my youngest 5.  "Am I going to die? was the first question I asked." The doctor went through the process of getting a 2nd test to confirm the results and treatment if needed.

Second results came in and same news.  HIV POSITIVE.  I am 39 years old, single mom of a 5 year old and 20 year old.  My daughter has been very supportive though this ordeal.   I know my 20 year old will be alright, but constantly worry, feel guilty and heart broken when I lay next to my 5 year old at night and think about what I've done.  I think about that night in 2009 when I could have jumped off the bed and told him to get off when he removed his condom.  Yes, I still feel very guilty about that night because I trusted him.

I have a few friends and family members that know and have been very supportive and have kept me somewhat positive.  I have been under treatment for almost one year now.  So far, my viral load is undetectable and my CD4 Count is above 600.  Today, I saw my doctor and he said that all looks good, viral load still undetectable and CD4 Count still above 600.  The only thing he noticed was that there is a tiny percentage that came back in my blood related to my liver.  This is not what I wanted to hear.  The doctor said that it's nothing to be alarmed about and I should retest in 3 weeks for my liver and see if maybe this tiny percentage disappears, if not, we'll have to keep a close eye on this. 

Once again, the feelings of dying have come to mind.  One medication is supposed to help you live while it slowly affects and damages other parts of your health. 

Since my diagnose, I have tried to remain positive and hopeful that someday soon, a cure will come; not just for me, but for all those living with this disease. 

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Jessica

It is August 2nd and just yesterday on the 1st I found out that I was HIV positive.

I havent been able to sleep, eat, I am extremely weak and scared beyond words.

When the nurse called me into the room and told me my resutls, I almost fainted and started to break down.

This is so hard for me and I dont know what to do. Right now I am just waiting for my 2nd results so I have to wait a week.

I am so scared and dont know how long I have had it. Medicine is going to be extremely expensive and dont know what I am going to do if I cant afford it.

Please pray for me.... I just recently lost my grandma and that was the hardest thing that I have ever been through and now I have this to deal with and just dont know what to do... I am so depressed but I know that I have to pick myself up and not let this get the best of me. My family support and are there for me 100% so thank GOD that is not an issue.

AVERT says: We have some useful information for people who have just learned they are HIV positive. This is in our Living with HIV section.

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Nonjabulo

im a 27 yrs old lady i just found out dat im HIV + few weeks ago.

its kills me big tym coz i knw i got it dis yr 2011 4rm my boyfrnd of 5 mnths.

i always cry everyday when i thnk abt my famly n ma kid:'(,  my manfrnd is so supportive maybe its 4 nw who knws...:-" bt thank god 4 dat. 

i am prayng 2 nt go 2 arv's stage coz i wnt cope, i knw. plz guys pray 4 me

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Mbali

Hi my name is mbali. I'm 22yrs old wth a healthy 17mnth baby gel.

I ws wth d father of my baby we were havng sex and his sperms were burnng we thy were getng in side me 3 dy aftr i had an STI and i went 2 dr clinic 4 treatment and its was on 21 february and i dicied 2 take an hiv test bcoz i cought my boyfreind cheatng on me 3tyms.

And my result we discondent i hv 2 take an elisar test. Its ws lyk d world ws turn around 4 me i knew tht i ws hiv positev its jst dt i ws on a widow period.

i cry inside me i've never let its out , i was gvin a date 2 come back and fetch mt result. i was prayng that some how the result could come back negetiv bt thy were positev, d fst d went on my mind ws my baby she 2 young i prayed 2 God 2 bless me wth a job so tht i cn b able 2 provide 4 hr and i knw hes going 2 answer me any tym soon, i told my boyfreind abt d result and he apologized 2 me 4 nt being faithful 2 me and he askd me 2 gv him a second chance so tht we cn raise our baby 2 getha.

he  promise 2 b thr 4 me until i close my eyes and open them and 2 take care of al my needs, by the tym he ws sayng these wodrs 2 me i jst wsh i could kill so tht i wont be able 2 eva see him again wth my eyes, its ws so painful coz he could hv protect i even kwen d dy iws infectd. Its on novermba 18 i also blamed my self for its, he got its from d gel he last splet wth on novermbar he told me tht the condom bust tht how he got its.

i hv tryd 2 forgive him becouse of the love i hv for him and his doing the best as he cn 2 make us happy, and  the only thng um left wth is checkng my cd4 cnt and testng my baby gel 2 make sure tht she is hiv negetive bcoz i check 2 time while i ws pregnent and the result were negetive.         

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Faith

I'm a 24 year old woman, i found out i waz hiv+ march ths year. i waz 3mnths pregnant.

It has bn hard 4 mi bcz i hvn't told my family yet. I gues i hvn't fully acceptd my status.

My son is 1 week old n he's the reason i wana live, i pray 2 God all the tym askn hm 2 gv mi the courage 2tell ma family n 2 accept n live ma lyf fully.

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Black Rain

7-26-11, a week ago, i found out that im pregnant & yesterday I found out that I'm HIV positive.

I contracted this disease almost a year ago. It's strange because I can remember when I first felt this disease come over my body.

In the last year I took 2 HIV test, they keep reading negative, I told my doctor the symptoms I was having(bad headaches, extremely fatigue, I broke out with 2 different rashes, one was oil white bumps on my back, the other was dry paches everywhere). Let me not forget this sore throat that I have had for about a year now that just wont seem to go away.

The person I got hiv? from is an African man, and he is married, and I will b having his first kid. When I met him I dident know he was married but I found out shortly after dating him, but I continued with the relationship because he was so good to me, he spoiled me. Driving his porche, unlimited shopping sprees, Gucci,Prada, LV. All the this I never had, VIP at every club we went, any and everything I asked for.

When I called him yesterday from the doctors office after getting my results, our exact conversation" me"well my test came back positive, but I think u already knew
that. "Him" well I paid ur cellphone bill, and dident I just give u 4,000 dollars on Saturday ..I laughed and hung up the phone.

I'm not mad, nor am I bitter. I don't hate him, I'm just ail confused. but at the end of the day remember he gave me any and everything I could ask for, but who is to blame?? I look at myself in the mirror and the person that's looking back at me she so confused, she's the one to blame.

I'm 26, confused but very hopeful.

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Eli

Well my story starts likes this.....I went into rehab to cure a drug addiction, found out i was 3 month pregnant at the time,after rehab i started an out-patiente program for methidone.

 there is where i took an hiv test (just for the hell of it)and low and behold it came back positive. I was devastated for many reasons but i was really concerned for my unborn baby. thank god i caught it when i did cause i took the necessary steps to have a healthy baby boy who will be 2  november the 1st.

With that being said yes i'm still hurt and upset by this but there is nothing i can do but live life to the fullest and try and educate people about this virus. And to  those who are living with it i'll tell you what they told me when i first found out my status........IT'S Not a death sentence any more. U can live a healthy life :)

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Fear

I AM 31 years. i discover I'm hiv + in April. i hav bn in relationship with a lovely guy since  last November n b4 i tested we neva used a condom knowing that i was negative cuz i tested last year.

i think i found it 4rm my ex. I really dont how  2 tel him since i think i have infected him already.i do suggest us 2 use a condom until m ready 2 disclose bt sometimes he refuse since we where both confident abt bn -. I need counselling 2  able 2 tell him.

AVERT says: we have some advice about how to get emotional support following diagnosis and also what to consider when disclosing your HIV status on our Living with HIV page. If you need help finding support groups near you please let us know and we will try to help.

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Enny

hi, I am enny. i tested + d day after my wedding. my husband personally too me to d hospital. we both did test and he tested nagative, d doctor gave him his result and ask me to follow him to his office.

there he told me i was +positive. i begged d doctor not to call my husband, that i was to tell him myself,it took three days before i could tell him.

oh boy! iwent thru hell but thank god today i can tell d  whole word. HIV is;nt a death sentence.

I am six month pregnant now and hope to have more kids.

life continues even if u are HIV+positive.

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Black

I'm a female of 26yrs old with 2 beautiful kidz, a boy and a girl.

2009 between june and july I was diagnose with HIV and my cd4 was very good that time but I didn't believe any of it so I didn't do anything about it.

Late 2009 I started loosing wait and when my friendz ask I'll say no I'm on diet. I had headaches and flu which were not cured by any treatment I get,I drank a lot, I had some growing in my throat and when I go to the doctor he will ask me if have I tested HIV and I'll say yes and I'm negetive and I'll refuse to test again,but the doctors kept on saying what I have in my throat is a gland and could be a coz of HIV.

I was very stressed coz no one else knew about this so I had no support and it was killing me slowly.

2010 August I became very sick and all my clothes could not fit me coz I lost lot and lots of wait. I decided to went to the doctor and tell the truth so that I can get help and so I did and my cd4 was 47.

everyone could see I was sick,, I started ARV's 11 september 2010 and now I'm healthier as ever but my mistake is I still do take some few glass of wine.

I told my parents and they are very supportive to me.. Reading ur stories ppl I'm more stronger now coz sometimes I thought I'm alone in this battle. I'm not free to tell everyone coz my community is still discriminating ppl with HIV and also where I work its the same.  Thanks!

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Positive woman

I was always getting sick so i took the courage to get tested in 2001.

when i got the results that i was hiv positive i cried cause i had not been so promiscus and i was living in another country and my husband was in another .

I told my husband and he did not want to hear of it so we seperated. I met  wonderful man who was negative, we had a baby and i had to leave to go to another country.. When i left he met someone my husband and married that person and he did not want to come join me.

I was heart broken and i have tried to love again but am not being lucky in love. i have given up on love.

i am just here to take good care of my kids and my health. things are going to be alright.

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Kim

i am a 35 yr old women with 4 kids. i just found out march 2011 i have aids my cd4 count was at 6 and my vl was at 751,000

i was very scared but didnt no how to react i became very sick with flu like sytems. in feb of 2011 i went to doc and he tested me for everything i didnt care that he did that because 3 yrs ago i tested negative so i jus knew thats how i was gona b this time.

well i got so sick i asked him to admit me in hospital so he did and they ran test after test and found nothing 3 days into hospital my primary doc comes in and tells me i have aids. i told him he was lying he siad no he wasnt all i could say was what now how do i live with this.

what about my kids? who did i get it from?

he instantly found me a doc and i started on my meds.

i think the hardest part was all the side affects but u make it threw those and u start feeling better.

now i am at home with kids and my boyfiend which is my kids father he does know and he wont go get tested. maybe he is scared i dont no, i dont guestion cause i no i got it from him. he did alot of cheating and he gave me herpies a long time ago. yes i should  of leftem but i felt after 10 years i would find noone else.

now i am in to god more and jus tryin to live my life healthy and with my kids. my family is very soportive of me and thinkin nothin diff. i am very germ a phobic now but u have to b .

and to let everyone know, all my kids tested negegative thx god. now my cd4 is at 67 and vl is at 78. i feel great and im happy. only thing wrong now is my money cause i cant wrk right now, but thats ok cause god will pull me threw. to all women who think u cant live with this- u can jus take ur meds, dont stop and always keep god in ur life.

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Posh

I am now 25 years old . I tested for hiv when I was 18 years old and I know the person who infected me so I have a feeling that I had it when I was 16-17yrs.
I was not angry but I was normal and thought everything happens for a reason.

I want to get married and have my own family and I know that through God anything is possible. I want to thank my family, my best friend and the nurses who took care of me when i started getting sick .

Where I live there are many people that are hiv positive . It funny course an hiv positive person can be more happy than a negative person. So don't stress just live your life and protect others.

I have been around the world (travel)and I guess hiv made me go for it. They say life is too short ...yes that is true but for anyone not only positive people. so all of us we need to live and make the most of it.

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No name

I was diagnosed with HIV in May 2011  which I can not really explain how or when i contracted the virus. i have not been exposed to any risk. i had been tested there before for two time  2008 and 2009 and both results were negative. My husband of 6 years now and my two years daughter are negative am so worried i have not yet started taking the ARV's despite my CD4 count of 229 as I am afraid of the side effects and am trying my best to raise my immunity.

AVERT.org: Choosing when to start antiretroviral treatment is an important decision that should be made in consultation with a doctor or other medically qualified person. Learn more on AVERT's Introduction to HIV Treatment page.

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Malme

I found out that i am HIV+ in 2011 when i was pregnant with my first baby girl..at 23-24yrs of age, I am a born-again christian and had always tried to live right,

I fell in love with this innocent nice guy who also loved God and asumed i am saved...but that turned out to be a lie..He cheated on me and finally he left me in 2007 june..

I stayed single until december when the other brother from my church whom i grew up with fell in love with me...we dated and got married in sept 2009 and we now have a daugther together..I told him about my status and have also told my ex,,and 1 best friend. JESUS IS LORD..

The only challenge for me nw is that I have to start taking arvs and i am not sure if i will cope..

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Thudy

I had hiv when i was 19yrs old and im stil alive.my cd4 is still ok and im not under ARVs.

I feel like my life is much beter now since i had this sickness.i eat healthy and im enjoying myself with my family coz they knows.im stil in shape and nothing is wrong with me.

I guess something positive can come up from be hiv positive

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