Lisa

I had been dating a man whom I thought I was in love with and was loyal to me for two years and life was good until I went to donate plasma one day.  I had been to the clinic donating only six months before and everything was fine so imagine my suprise when I got the news that would change my life. My boyfriend denied he had done any wrong although I knew I had not been unfaithful and eventually I learned he was bisexual and never once considered his selfish needs would eventually put me at risk. I was put on meds immediately by a Dr. who works very aggressively and he immediately got me to undetectible levels.  Unfortunately I made the choice to stay with my boyfriend feeling hopeless and ashamed of what I felt I had become.  I recently met someone new and have left my boyfriend and for the first time in a year I feel alive again and that there may be some hope.  He is a good man and I like some of the other women are so fearful of disclosing my status and just pray that when I do I may find peace and unconventional love that will see me through.  We deserve to be happy.

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Kaybee

im 24,found when i was pregnant that am hiv positive,have nt told my family or friends only the father of my babe and he left me like a piece of rubbish.my baby is a year old....healthy.i thank god.my cd4 is 876,im greatful that am healthy and able to take care of my baby.i am involve now with a man who's hiv negative and he knows my status.he loves and adores me and my son.  sumtimes i feel sad but i have all the support i need from the man in my life.

All the young people out there be strong and take care of yourselfs and people you care about.

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Capricorn

I was diagnosed in 2007. The first time I heard that HIV was present in our lives was the day before my husband died. My normally-healthy husband had fallen ill and had to be hospitalised, where he seemed to be getting worse.

One day I went in to speak to his doctor and ask for an explanation and was told he had just gone into kidney failure. A nurse took me aside and asked if I knew he had HIV! Of course I didn't know but my heart just sank as we had a young daughter. I never had a chance to even speak to him about it as he died the next morning. I was crushed.

I had been trying to get rid of a cold and chest infection at the time but not once did I suspect HIV (or AIDS). Of course I tested HIV positive and underwent a series of tests. A month later I started ARVs which gave me back my strength (and health).

Only a year later did I have the courage to have my child tested - thank God she was negative. She had never really been ill and somehow I had known in my heart that God had spared this little angel from contracting HIV.

It has been impossible to mourn my husband and at times I really hate him for having done this to us all. I have told no-one of my status - not even my parents. Only my doctors know. I know there is no value in telling anyone as I come from a conservative community and family. I don't disclose to sex partners either but always have safe sex.

I take my medication, eat well and look after my child. No-one suspects a thing and it is easy to pretend that everything is fine. No-one would believe that my supposedly smart and educated husband could have died of AIDS. In a way, his illness and death gave me back control over my own life and health. I would never had thought to test for HIV if I hadn't been alerted.

And to think we had both tested negative while I was pregnant three years prior to that. It means he got infected either while I was pregnant or breastfeeding - and for that I will never forgive him. The blatant disregard for his wife and child's lives is unforgivable.

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Phindile

hi, i'm 24 and married and hv 2girls, i tested hiv positive when i was preg with my second child, i was so scared and heartbroken, i didnt knw what to do even now i still dnt, i feel strong and hopeful samtimes but again some days i just breakdown and cry,i dnt knw yet whether my baby has it or not, i took azt while pregnant and my cd4 count was 526,and viral load was low,i'm not taking arvs, my biggest problem is that i haven't told my husband or anyone, i feel like i need sam one to talk to,but i dnt trust people close to me even my friends, as for my husband i think he will live me, we are very happy now and i'm scared to ruin it, i just asked him that we should go and get tested and he agreed that we will go end of the mnth, i dnt want to be the one to break the horrible news to him, i hope things will go well and he doesnt change his mind.

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Lady Mel

I must say i am relieved to have found this page, i was diagnosed two weeks back , i think i am still trying to come to terms with it. Like a lot of u i waited until i turned 21 before i started having sex, but now i wish i could i have just slept around.

Anyhow i work and i live alone which is not helpful at all as i have no-one to talk to, i have told my bosses about my status and they have helped a lot.

Found love late last year and i have tried to tell him but i cant, what i am going to say, this might just kill whatever that we have, i know i have to tell him eventually but i will wait.

so from now on its each day as it comes ...no hassles .

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Mari

This is to Gugu and anyone else.  I found out eight years ago.  I told my mom the day I got the news.  She pretty much tries to pretend as if I never told her.  Unlike you, I did have kids at a young age.  I'm 32 and have four.  Three of which were before I found out about my status.  The fourth one came along after getting involved with a very abusive guy.  I made sure we used rubbers.  I kept them in a glass container next to the bed.  One day when he was in one of his rants, he decided he wasn't going to use it.  Found out I was pregnant months later.  Went to the doctor, was given the percentages of the chance of the baby having the virus.  Cried my butt off ffor days.  I was so against having an abortion.  I prayed and prayed and decided to keep it and take my meds and hopefully the child would be okay.  There's even a drip I took through my IV while waiting to have the C-section that was a further preventive measure for protecting the baby.

It's three years later and he's still negative.  As a matter of fact, when he got his one year test, they advised me that there was a big chance that it would be positive because he was still young and probably still had some of my blood or something like that.  When he came back negative at the twelve month testing, the counselor said in all her years, my son was the first male child that came back negative so young.  She said it was usually not until the eighteenth month that boys who are truly negative will show as negative.  She said she didn't know why, but she never had a male child come back negative that young.  Talk about someone who cried and talked to God and thanked God.  

Needless to say, I'm so grateful to God for protecting him.  Anyway I don't advise number one, having unprotected sex knowing your status. But again, in my case I was scared to death of this man.  I also kind of sort of don't recommend it although I know you can get pregnant via sperm donation.  The reason I don't recommend it is because you have no idea the anguish I went through for nine months praying and hoping that the baby would be okay.  It's rough.  But it can happen as I'm proof and my beautifful little boy is proof that you can still have a baby.  You just have to ensure that you take the meds always, get a c-section like they told me and I guess have that drip that they gave me.  Good luck honey.  I wish you the best.

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Annie

Hi i am Annie and i was diagnosed with HIV in March 2009.I had just found out that a guy i was dating could have HIV, so i decided to get tested. To my horror the test came out positive, i went home and immediately told my sister. She was horrified as well but very supportive. The following week i had a cd4 count test and discovered that i did not need ARV treatment as yet. The next month was very confusing and scary for me as i did not know anything about HIV, all i knew was that if you had it you would die. I cried constantly and lost self esteem, i thought this was the end for me .As time went by it got better as i prayed to god to protect me and i felt stronger everyday. I must admit though that sometimes i felt useless and dirty, but with constant support from my sister and also knowing deep down inside that god would not have let this happen to me if he did not think i was strong enough to get through it. I have since educated myself alot on this disease and am finding new ways to keep healthy. My advice to people who have just been diagnosed, its not the end for you. With strong prayer and support from loved ones you will get through this. Educate yourself on the disease and try your best to live a healthy life. Love always Annie 

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Gugu

Hi everyone...reading yo stories makes feel sad and give me courage at the same time. I have been living with for seven years. It only hit me in May this year that I really am positive i then went for blood tests and confirmed the denial. I must say the news did not sit well, had my fare of stress and anxiety. It makes me sad to think that I waited to be at 21 to have bf to have sex. I sometimes feel I should have done like most my friends and have a baby at a tender age. I am 28 years without a baby and living a lonely life. The thought I will die and no generation from is killing me. I have a problem with trusting people have decided be a reserved person. Everytime someone looks at me I feel they can see I am positive I become shy.

It's not easy at all and the thought of taking arvs does not go down well...my doc told me that my cd4 count is below 300 so I need to start bt am not ready yet still confused. I hate it when guys come and make good remarks ands proposing coz I know I have this disease. I am planning on dropping a bomb to my siblings in Dec hope they will support me and look after themselves. As for my parents I don't know what it will do to them esp. my Mom. Keep well people I will hang in there.

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Thola

Im Thola 34 yeras and I tested positive 13 years ago. I have two kids, 15 yrs son and 8 yrs daughter. Both their dads have passed on. I sometimes feel very lonely and rejected, have tried dating again but the moment I disclose the person would reject me like I did not matter. It is sad to know that most of our african guys don't understand and they don't even want to learn about HIV. The worst part they don't know their status. More than anything I need love, I also want to have someone to share my dreams with but hey it is taugh. I hope and believe that one day I will meet someone who understands that I am not a threat to them and that the virus is managable.

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Dessy

im 25 years old, i found out i was hiv pos wen i was 3 months pregnant with my daughter, that was 5yrs ago, my daughter is hiv neg and she will be 5 soon, my husband is also neg, we are a very happy family, im still not on any meds and dont think ill go on soon, me and my husband both want one more child, and guess what doctors agree with us, im so happy that even that im hiv pos i can still live a normal life, nothing has changed for me. i have the most supportive husband, and hiv has reali bought us together, he is veri understanding, ive done alot of homework about hiv and i truley belive you alone can only control your mind and body, dont let any thing or any one get u down, live postive!!!!!!!!

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anony...

hi im 24 and i was diagnose with hiv on march 4 2010,i remember it like it was yesterday i fell to the ground and started crying my boyfriend who tested negative by the way came rushing home from work to be by my side,i dont know how i caught this virus because my boyfriend of 4yrs tested neg.and my son's dad is also neg.i remember before i met my boyfriend i was dating this man and we kissed and i bite his lip during kissing a week later some1 told me he had aids and i ask him he denied it and even show me a test result which said negative but i ended the fling and we didnt have sex,but maybe some of his blood got in my mouth and i contraced it...on some days it depressing but i hang in there bcus of my son, my boyfriend is still with me and he is still testing negative

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Nuria Isse

My name is Nuria Isse and I am 39 years old. I live in hargeisa Somaliland.

Three years ago, when I was pregnant with my daughter hodan , I became sick with tuberculosis and went to the nearest health centre to see a doctor about my symptoms. After a series of tests, I was diagnosed with HIV.

Unfortunately I did not receive my diagnosis until after I gave birth to hodan, and therefore I did not receive medication that could have prevented HIV transmission to my baby. Hodan  was born with HIV. But she was diagnosed early and immediately began to receive HIV care and treatment. Thanks to this treatment, Hodan survived and she is now nine years old.

Learning that my daughter and I were HIV-positive was very painful for me. I thought my life had ended — and it did become much more difficult. When I disclosed my status to my husband, he reacted terribly. He refused to get tested and asked me to leave his home. He soon married another woman and to this day he prevents me from seeing my eldest daughter.

Thankfully, I can rely on my mother and sister for emotional and financial support. I also participate in a community support group for people living with HIV, which is sponsored by Talowadag Action on HIV & AIDs Coalition. Thanks to the people I have met in my support group, I no longer feel alone.

Hodan and I were very lucky to attend Talowadag Somaliland in July 2009. The Talowadag was a wonderful experience for us because we got to know other families who face the same challenges we face — including health problems and stigma relating to HIV. I am also very grateful for the medication, nutrition and Counselling that we received at the Talowadag .

I received information and advice on how to care for my daughter. I really enjoyed participating in the support group and I hope more infected and affected families will have the opportunity to benefit from this experience in the future.

Thanks to everything I’ve learned, I am now able to advise other people with HIV on how to live healthily.

I want to see Hodan stay healthy and perform well in school. I also want to have a job one day and a home of my own. Thanks to the support that Hodan and I have received from Talowadag,

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Anon

it was 2004 when i was tested for hiv and i felt for a minute that the ground will open and swallow me; i have a kid and a husband i didnt know how i felt it was the hardest time in my life, later on my baby was tested positive, i cried day and night wondering what will happen to us. my husband is a god given angel he never treated us any different he showed us love instead. i was put on medication i have been in and out of hospital several times with toxoplasmosis aneamia and i thank the good lord that i have had the time to look deep down my heart with the help of my dear husband and i feel ok.

Then awhile ago my husband tested positive and the whole situations started rewinding itself. my husband does blame me for the whole episode having been the one to infected them but all this happened without any knowledge of infection  but i dont get annoyed with him i feel it is his way to express how he feels since he has been recently tested positive.

i will be there for him and our child so longer as i live we can make a difference, we have to live our life the best we can now. i have lived 6years now i remember the doctor saying i mighty not live. getting you priorities right, eating well and taking your medication is one  way forward, it will come to an end and it will be like a bad dream or nightmare one is woken from.until then medication is all we depend on.
my viral load has been undeteactable and my cd4 count is been between 300 and 500 my child thank god is viral load is undetectable and cd4 count of 660 my husband is getting there and i believe with love and medication he is going to be okay.

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Sunny

HI im 25yrs i was diagnosed in june 2007 after breaking up with my abusive boyfriend of 3 yrs.He was so violent the he once beat me to a pulp and knocked out my 3 front teeth.after that my family intervened and i got a protection order against him.

He sent me an sms saying even if I leave him we are both going to die from aids coz he is HIV posistive. My mom was with me when i recived the SMS and i said to her i will go for a test. I did go for one and it was positive I could not find a way and even now i have'nt told my mom.

I have been living with this for the past 3 years lucky I found someone who loves me unconditionally and supports me through eveything and I am thankful to the lord,my boyfriend and the few friends i told.

I went for my CD4 check and Im still waiting for the results. Hope my health is still ok. I just want to say this is not a death sentence This Virus makes you appreciate your life.

I hope one day i have the courage to tell my family and may god bless us all. Thank for sharing your stories with us. They give us courage to face another day.

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Pabi

Hi everyone, my name is pabi this is my seconed time posting a story on this site. Your stories are inspiering and they give me hope. Today marks a year since i was dignosed HIV+. Its been the toughest year of my life, but i made it. My friends and family have been wonderful. A new challenge has come to my life, i have to start taking arv's and im very scared. My doctor and counsellor have assured me that theres nothing to worry about, that the medication will help me but i cant help it. I dont know where my fear's come from but they are very real. I've had panic attacks just thinking about them. I pray to have strenth and start taking them before its too late. Thanks for reading my story and please keep me in your prayers.

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