Numnum

Well im 15 going on 16, i was born with HIV my dad gave it to my mom after he got back from the army.i found out i have a brother the same age as me just 2 weeks older but he was lucky and didn it get it but his mom did....my dad died in 2001 from AIDS when i was 5.i had been taking meds since like 4eva.nobody ever told me untill i was 8 and me and my mom were on our way to my aunts house and she said "Numnum what if i told you we had HIV”. I said “cry” ..she said “why?” and started crying.. I shook my head no.. yes she said i didnt kno wat to do all idid was cry.i just went numb my mom took me to the doctor(i go every12 weeks) and we talked about it. my doctor told me i am just like every body else and as long as i take my meds eat good and take care of myself i can live a long health life.

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B..

I am 18 and I live in the UK.

I found out I was HIV positive in March 2008. It had to be the most devastating day of my life, I was 17 at the time.

At the age of 14 I was the victim of rape. A Fijian soldier in the British Army had unprotected sex with me without my consent. I went to the police, and had to go through the degrading medical examinations so that 'evidence' could be collected for the prosecution. However, I never went to have any STI or blood tests taken, I only went to my GP for the morning after pill. I only found out recently that the CPS decided to drop my case, and my rapist was not convicted. All those years I spent not knowing what happened to the man who assaulted me, and I spent them in utter turmoil. It is not much better however, knowing that he was never punished for what he did.

At the age of 17 I decided to go and donate blood. I always thought it important that those who are fortunate should take steps to help others. I answered all questions in the survey I had to complete, and a nurse said that I was able to donate my pint of blood that day. I did so, and then two weeks later I received a letter through the post asking that it was vital that I make an appointment at a specialized blood and donor clinic, miles from where I lived as the blood I had donated had tested positive for something. I rang and made an appointment, which was about five days away, and they would not tell me anything over the phone as to what it was about. Those days leading up to the appointment were awful, and I really wasn't myself and cancelled all my plans up to the appointment as all I thought about was what was wrong. Of course I contemplated that it was a STI linked with what I had been through years previous, but I also thought that maybe there was something wrong with my blood in terms of how it functioned in my body. I did think I may be HIV positive but I dismissed it like a shot, as the idea seemed so far fetched and unbearable.

When the doctor at the clinic told me I was HIV positive, I broke into tears. I thought she had just delivered me a death sentence. I now realize how wrong I was to think like that. I then was sent to a sexual health clinic nearer to where I lived, and a women there told me all about HIV and handed me leaflets. I had bloods taken and made another appointment to return in about a week to see my results.

I can't really remember much in the days and weeks following. My Viral load was relatively high, yet remained, and has done so, at around the same level. Sadly though, at the expense of my CD4 count.

My mum knew of my status as she had come with me to the appointment. I decided not to tell anyone else, as advised by the professionals at the clinic.

I was still at school though as I had stayed on at the sixth form to study my A levels. One teacher in particular however picked up on there being something wrong, which even my friends had not noticed. This teacher I class as a trustworthy and great friend, and without his support I don't even want to think about what state I would be in now. I disclosed my status to this teacher, who informed the head teacher and also a fantastic councilor who also worked at the school. I was wary of these people knowing at first, I thought everyone would find out and judge me. But these are professional people, who had my interests in mind.

I continued my appointments at the sexual health clinic, and had my regular bloods taken etc. (Thank God I am not scared of needles). I just didn't feel comfortable there though, so requested to be moved to a sexual health clinic attached to my nearest hospital. I was able to stay with the same doctor, as they transferred from clinic to clinic during the week.

In the time shortly after my diagnosis, I thought it may help if I were to return to God so to speak. I believe in God, but never worshipped regularly. After some time though, it was obvious to me that the answers and help which I sought after were not going to come from religion. This was something I could gain from people who knew about HIV and also within myself. It was up to me, and only me, to decide how things were going to turn out.

With the help and support of my teacher and councilor I was able to try and tackle the mental and psychological affects of being diagnosed with HIV. Plus, as the relationship between my mother and myself seemed to strain, I was put in touch with a youth worker who specializes in HIV and it is she who comes to every appointment I have. She is an amazing person too. She has so much experience and insight. I really have been truly lucky gaining such an understanding and patient support network, and it is thanks to those individuals I am able to see the positive in being positive. I no longer think that I am terminally ill and on the brink of death. I know I have a long way to go. Plus the advances in technology and medicine has meant that many people with HIV can simply go on to die of old age.

 I wasn't born when HIV was first discovered, and thankfully I never saw, and can not even begin to attempt to get an idea of, the worlds reaction to this 'new' disease. I can not imagine what it must have been like. I have only heard of the hatred that was felt for people who were positive.
 Times have changed thankfully. I am soon to begin to start treatment as my CD4 count is considered too low. Which at first I was unsure about, as I have always been an independent person and I didn't like the idea of having to rely on some tiny tablets for the rest of my life. But I don't see it like that anymore, I have managed to take control of my HIV status, rather than let my HIV control me. This is a very hard thing to come to terms with. And obviously I have days were I let the demons rule and I wallow in self-pity, but in the long run living with HIV has not changed Who I am, What I am and any prospects and dreams I have for the future. If anything, at times, being HIV positive motivates me into not giving up, and not letting it rule MY life.
The only advice I can offer is to go out and get the support you need. Don't try to do this alone as everyone needs that little push to get them started.

I have just got through my A levels, and will be going to university to begin a degree in criminology this September. I plan to travel, meet the man of my dreams, and have tons of children! HIV is not going to stop me doing any of this, and it shouldn't stop anyone else doing what they want to do either.

I hope someone will feel comfort in reading this, even of if it is just that one person. 

B. xxxxxx

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Micah

hi im micah im 15 years old and i was born with HIV. i found out i was positive when i was about 7. i always had to take meds but i never knew what for. my mom always told me not to let anyone touch my blood and stuff but i had no idea what she was talking about.

but now i am fully aware of my status and honestly it doesnt bother me too much.
i still have sleep overs and do things any other teen girl would do. I HAVE NO LIMITATIONS :D
well when i had sex for the fist time, i didnt tell my boyfriend about my hiv until days after. i was soo scared to tell him, afraid that he would freak out. when i told him, he freaked out and did break up with me =( BUT after a while he said he didnt care and then wanted me back but hey karmas a b****h so i didnt go back. then i did find another love who did know about my status and said to me many times he didnt care at all, obviously this made me soo happy.

i am still very quiet about my status to my friends, no one at my school knows because theres too much of a risk for someone telling. but otherwise i dont let my hiv affect me in anyway i live the life of a normal teen, i have many friends, and have all the fun in the world , hiv doesnt have to limit your life. i surely dont let it! :D

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Audrey

I'm Audrey. I was 17 when I found out I had the virus. I was supposed to be going to the air force and had actually been sworn in. But two weeks later, I got a later saying that there was a potentially serious medical condition. I had to go see the MEPS physician.

Once I had received that letter, I kinda knew what it would be about. Because people around me were telling me that a dude I messed around with had the virus. I was devastated, thought I was going to kill myself. But I found self-worth from seeing how much my friends cared and loved me. I decided not to let it hold me back. And learned to live with it.

It's only been a few months since my diagnosis and I now have found love and he knows about my situation. It's still hard sometimes. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. But I realize that I'm not just hurting myself if I leave. I'm hurting my family, friends, and lover. I haven't told too many people about my virus. Because I don't see the point of doing that. But i have told those closest to me. And am very glad that they could be trusted not to tell. Half of them say they forget i have the virus most of the time. And to be honest. I do too. Not saying that I'm reckless. But i really don't  think too much about it.

I'm still the same person I was before. Just with a little more drive, and cautiousness. So I kinda look at HIV as my wake-up call. Telling me i need to take my life, body, and health, ALOT more seriously. Don't let having the virus stop you. Because it's not the end of the world. Take that from someone who at one point thought it was.

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Tina

hi im tina im 16 years old i was born with hiv.  i found out i was hiv postive when I was a 8 or maybe a little bit older. starting pills also brought problems cause i couldnt swallow them and i still cannot. I  stoped taking them when i began to have friends. i hide them but my mom found them my doctors tired putting me back on liquids but that didnt work because the taste was horrible. 

i tired an other pill i had to open and take i began doing well but got tired of this because the taste was soo bitter. i stoped taking that one too and confronted my doctors about it. My bother and mother just yell at me when i cant swallow and brother tells me i am going to die(they are hiv postive too).

This year my freshman year i actually thought i wanted to die that i dersvered to die i cried alot and wondered why me i still do but try to stay strong.

i complety stopped taking them. I snapped out of that stage and told my doctors and now im about to start this program that will help me swallow pills. im glad to tell my story and having HIV makes me stronger and i belive gods has a propose for everything. never give up hope.

i want to tell megan who has wrote a story that shes the reason that i wrote this and i pray that you get help like im going to do because its very important. i've been told i might hate these meds with a passion but in the end i really should love them because without them i wouldnt be here.

Also think of it this way hiv is ur chance of a long life because all of us on here have a chance with hiv but really be our goal should be not to get aids so think its a chance at a long life=)

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Megan

Hi, you can call me Megan and I'm 15 years old. I found out I had HIV when I was in 5th grade. Actually I kind of guessed at it. We had a whole week of Family Life classes, and on the last day they do a class on HIV/AIDS. Well the teacher brought in a board that had pictures of pills on them, and I saw a picture of what looked like the pills I took at home. So, later that night I told my mom what the illness was called and asked her if I had it, and she told me I did. Turns out my mother got the illness from my father (he used to do drugs not long before he met her) and she gave it to me and one of my older brothers (twins) when we were born. She found out she had the illness not long after I was born. She told me a couple of times that if she'd known before getting pregnant with my brothers that she was sick, she never would have wanted to have kids, because she didn't want us going through our lives with this burden.

A year later, when I was in 6th grade, I started having trouble swallowing my pills, so my dad started to crush them up and put them in things. (pudding mostly) Around that time I got tired of always having to make excuses for not being allowed to sleep over my friends house, so I would sneak around and dump the pudding (young rebellion). Eventually, I got caught and had to take the pills again. (Even though I had problems swallowing.)

7th-8th grade the doctors put me on new medication since I've been growing, and these pills are (figures.) larger. I did everything in my power to get rid of them without getting caught.

During the second semester of 8th grade, my cousin (also in the same grade) told some of his friends I had HIV. I was so angry at him. I didn't want ANYONE to know. I didn't want to be treated differently or lose my friends. A few of his friends confronted me about it, but I denied being sick. I was constantly worried he'd tell everyone, so I kept a close eye on him.

Three weeks into my freshman year, I couldn't stand it any more so I asked my mom to homeschool me. I've lost a lot of friends by choosing homeschooling, (The exact thing I didn't want to do in the first place.) and I'm lonely all the time. But, at least at home I don't have to worry about what their reaction will be if they find out. Haha, I won't be there to see their reaction.

To this day, the doctors and my parents don't know I've not been taking my pills. (I still have problems swallowing.) But, I plan to keep this going for as long as I can. After all, because of the choices my parents chose when they were younger, they affected my life. And if I have to carry this burden by myself (yes, myself. my parents treat it as if it's no big deal. as if having HIV is like having the flu.) then I might as well decide how to deal with it myself. (That sounds dramatic, but it's true.) Besides, even if I end up dying, at least I know I'm saved and that I'll go to heaven. WOOT!

Anyways, thanks for reading my story. Stay happy! (because that's all you can do sometimes.) God bless!

AVERT were very sorry to hear that Megan has felt unable to talk to her parents about her decision to stop taking her pills. We have suggested she talk to local AIDS service organisations about this.

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Kas

Hello my name is Kas

I am 11 years old and I live in London. I've had HIV since I was born, but I found out at the age of 10. I go to the hospital every month for blood testing. My mum used to tell me that I go to the hospital and take an injection for my asthma. When my mum first told me I was diagnosed with HIV I thought it was the end of my life, and I knew how people will pick on you at school if you told them, so I kept it to myself until one day I was able to speak to a teacher who understands how I feel.

My mother explained to me about HIV and I found more information on the internet. I got HIV from my mother when I was born, she found out I had HIV when I was 10, that is when she found out that she had it as well. My little sister was given injections when she was born and she doesn't have HIV, that makes me feel glad.

I go to a charity support group every week with loads of young people diagnosed with HIV and AIDS, the charity is called Body and Soul, it makes me think less about HIV because we have a nice time there and they make sure you have a good time. When I first found out I thought it was only small villages in Africa that had  it but now I understand that HIV is all around the world. I have spent times in hospital but the doctors have told me that I have strong blood and I think I can have a long normal life.

I hope you understand that HIV is not a bad thing and you don't have to be worried. London is full of people with HIV and adults understand about HIV, so you can talk to them about it, this has helped me feel confident about me having HIV.

God bless you

Kas x

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Anon, 14

I turned 14 just yesterdaii when i found out i had HIV  , now this broke my heart as i knew the dangers of hiv .... i knew the outcome ..... i knew what would happen..... the first the thing that entered my head was DEATH.

when the docter told me i froze for about 5 seconds then bent my head and cryed .. i looked at my mom and her eyes were full of tears.

you see i've heard ppl bad mouth hiv and up untill yeterdai i thought the only way of receiving HIV was sexually .... but i was wrong !!

i recived HIV through breastfeeding from my mom and my mom recived it through a blood transfusion.
and the person who had HIV recived it through ... well i dnt know.

from the age of 9 i was told all the medication and hospital visits were because of my weight and ect ...

so its like saying my parents lied .... but they didnt , they were protecting me and my feelings.

basiclly this whole story is to tell ppl as young as me that HIV is not at all deadly and will not effect your life.
and if you only just found out and u thought u were sick for another reason ...well try not to be mad at your family cos its not there fault ...

just put it this way .. its not the end of the WORLD ... imagin how ur FAMILY feel and staii strong !

god is with u all the way x
 
hope u understand and acknoledge this story xxxxx

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Vannessa

Hello my name is vanessa and I don't care if everybody fines out that I have HIV. I am 15 years old I was born in Bronx New York I Moved to california when I was 5 then just recently I moved to Maryland.

I am here today to tell you about my life having HIV I was born with it. My mother found out when I was 2 years old because one day I had little tiny balls in my stomach and my mother was worried so she took me to the doctors. The doctors took a blood test to my mother, sister, and me me and my mom came out positive my sister was negative.

Today in days I live a normal life but I have to drink meds everyday my mother told me when I was 7 that I had hiv and I couldn't tell anyone. Today I don't care if everbody knows I have that cuz I like to educate people around the world.

Thank you for reading my story

From vanessa

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Nic

My name is Nic, and I'm 15 years old. I've lived with HIV since I was 11, and everyday I wonder why the hell I had to screw up my life like that. You see I got involved with some heavy stuff, and I started using IV drugs. Not on a regular basis but you know here and there.

A good friend of my family's was a cop and he knew something was up. He follwed me one night to the man I got my drugs from and they busted him and me. It was later discovered that he had HIV. I got tested, and when they came back I was crushed. I couldn't live like that, didn't want to. So I took a knife to my wrist, and tryed to kill my self. My brother was the one to find me lying there on the bathroom floor. I was told later that I had died.

My family decided to move later that year, a fresh start they said, a chance to forget the past. I started a new school, in 7th grade. I sat in choir (was I really going to be this connected to the world again) and I felt alive for the first time in years. I went through life just a normal teen aged girl, one who had to take her meds lest she die.

The start of our freshman year I told my best friend that I was positive, and I was terifyed of how she would react. I was shocked when she laughed and said it's not such a big world after all. She told me she had been raped by a HIV pos. man and that the test had also come back positive.

When ever I feel down I know I can pick up the phone and call her. I know I have someone to talk to. But you know the question I ask myself everyday. Why the hell? Why did I do what I did? People don't make my mistakes. Don't be stupid. Live life to the fullest and never give up on your dreams. I know I haven't. I wake up every morning and I tell myself that I'm going to live one more day if only to see my friends embarass themselves again, or to walk down the hall at school screaming rock songs at top my lungs. I know that oneday, before my time, I will die, but I have atoned for my sins, and I plan to life a live that is as full as I can make it.

Be safe. Be smart, and live a full life!

--------------------------------Nic, 15, MI

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Anon, 15

Well I'm 15 and I've been HIV positive since I was born. I first found out about it when i was 10. I've been taking meds ever since I can remember. My mom used to always tell me they were just vitamins. So I believed it cuz I didnt really eat a lot of vegetables and i was kinda skinny so it did sound reasonable.

Later when i was like 10 my mom told me that i had a virus and she told me the whole story about how HIV works. As soon as she told me this I knew what it was but I didnt want to say anything. So when i had my next appointment (i have one every 6 weeks) they all decided to tell me. The doctor said i took it rather well.

At first it didn't really take an impact on me but now when i hear people being so ignorant about people with HIV it just annoys me so much and even though i correct them they still keep going at it. I try to control myself but it gets me mad. So far i have told no one about my situation but i think i should tell one of my friends so she could be supportive about it.

Learning I'm HIV positive changed my life in the way that i knew i had to take my medicine but i've always had trouble swallowing pill and i had to take one that was big. So my doctor told me the only way for me to take my medications without having to swallow was to get a G-tube.. IT didnt bother me at first but as i started middle school it did start ot bother me because i came more beware of my appearance. I kept that tube until i was 14.

Since i got my g-tube removed i've been doing bad on taking the medication. I kinda gave up on it all.

Thats my story

AVERT.org: It can be very hard to have to take pills every day when you find them so hard to swallow. However, it can't be stressed enough how important it is to keep taking the tablets, so if there's any way you can train yourself to be able to swallow them then you should try to do so. There are some good suggestions here and here.

Things can seem very hard and very unfair when you're young and HIV positive. But is absolutely worthwhile staying healthy and taking your meds - you never know what the future holds.

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From Hawaii

I’m 15 and have been smoking meth and snorting coke for as long as I can remember. Living in Honolulu and being away from home most of the time, I was eager to stay with anybody who had money and a bed to sleep in.

I checked into Kahi Mohala: a rehab hospital for a couple of weeks. They told me I had AIDS and that I will die from it eventually. It was and still is overwhelmingly devastating.

I have 2 little baby brothers and I hope I’m around for them to have a good remembrance of me. It’s sad really. My life. But I deserve it and am in a way given a second chance. It opened my eyes to the people and things around me. I have support from my mother who can barely handle.

I’m young and don’t know of anybody living with the disease. Hardly even the one who gave it to me. He was 21 and took advantage. I have a young heart but an old soul. Insight. I pray everyday and go to church on Sundays. Always having faith in god, I believe this was my destiny and AIDS is more than just a disease. It changes you. Makes your mind stronger, knowing your time is limited you begin to see things differently…appreciate the blessings.

It was only just detected so I have a long road ahead of me, I mean a really long one. I go through withdrawal and cry myself to sleep. I want to say fuck it and go back to the lifestyle. But I feel it would be betraying my family and connection god.

I want to accomplish so many things. And I will. Everybody makes mistakes. Everyone has scars. This is life, start questioning it. Ask yourself what really is important to you.
Thanks for listening.

Aloha.

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Mr. H

I wanted to include my personal story on your website.
 
I am 17 years old and I was diagnosed with HIV last year.  I was in detention where they routinely test for HIV – the doctor at detention broke the news.  I felt crushed, like my life was over…like I was nobody.  I thought I was going to die real soon.  I felt that my life would never be the same.  I was very spontaneous when I was in the world (I’m in secure custody now).  I’ve know now for about 8 months, and the first week of knowing was the worst week of my life.  Losing sleep, thinking about the future and the past, and the stuff that I had to give up when I go home.

I think a lot about how I’m going to tell my current girlfriends.  I often stress a lot because I want to have kids and I want to live a normal life.  I want to not have to think about it, not have to be so precautious.  Every day, I ask myself, “Why me?”  I mean they got plenty of people who just don’t care, but I do.

My family supports me 100% - I hate to hear people talk about it when they really don’t know what they are talking about.  I find myself about to correct people but at the same time I want to remain confidential about my diagnosis.  But at the same time, I still have gossipers spreading rumors about me.  I mean, I’m young, dashingly handsome, and you wouldn’t be able to tell from looking at me.  And I try to live as normally as I can, but it seems like I can’t win for losing.

Thanks,

Mr. H

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Ben

i am 17 and i learned that i had the hiv virus. i was told when i was 10. I remember that day perfectly, it was honestly the worst day of my life. my heart broke.

well anyways this is how it all started. okay i was born and my mom was like a prostitute and cocaine addict or something like that and when i was born she brought me to and adoption agency and when they looked at her they would'nt take me because they knew what she was. sucks huh.

well any way the doctor had me with her and she needed to go to vermont. so the lady who is my mother now gave her the ticket and through time i was what she got in return. so we came back to vermont and came to grow with my new family. i have no information on my real mother and want to know so badly but don't know how to go about something that huge.

well i grew up and my mother thought she should tell me when i was 10. that day shattered all of my dreams and hopes. but now that iam older and have had more time to think about it all, i realized that my dreams aren't shattered there's just one more thing to make me stronger and thats exactly what it is doing.

now being 17 my life is great iam in a relationship and it is wonderful and we both are comfortable with it. my friends are there for me every step of the way. my family is wonderful even though i feel like there is something missing what i have i pricless. and after having my meds being up and down and having to deal with almost dying. now iam living with meds that are perfect and are keeping my virus in remission and thats is wonderful.

i actually feel normal and not shuned from the whole world. my life is going great and iam glad i have it because then i wouldn't be me and i love who i am. i also wouldn't be able to share my life story and possibly have the chance to educate a few teens. but if this could get published or something that would so make my day and my life. thank you for letting me share my story with the world. thank you.

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Kerry

I am 17 and will be 18 in two months.  In October 2005 I gave blood, I then gave again in Febuary this year. I had a letter asking for me to go to the blood clinic or to arange for them to come to me. At first I didnt think that it was anything important and no-one mentioned any thing as being wrong.  They called to my hose and took blood but still I wasnt toled what it was, just that they had some unusual test results.  Later I was asked to go to the hospital and toled I had HiV anti-bodies.  My partner of 3 years was then tested and he has a low cd4 count.  In a way I'm glad I got it, otherwise we wouldn't know he has it and has to start medication, or that his children, from a previous relationship, were born with it.  Now we can prevent any children we have from getting it.

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