Quincy

Hey. My name is Quincy and I have no idea what else to do. Its like I have created a second person almost with hiding my true sexuality. I'm always going around saying how people need to be real and stop lying but I think I might need to start living up to my advice.

I don't like labels at all and at one point I thought about not having a sexuality at all. Like I really just think too much and over analyze things and be intellectually ignorant so I don't have to face the real problem here. I come from a family that values Christian morals, church going etc. very much. Homosexuality is out of the question. I hear people saying things like they should die and they are going to hell and all other horrid things. It makes me so mad and so sad that I can’t even be true to my family. My own blood! Life sucks right now.

As a result of not accepting myself, I have become one of those people who need to always be cautious of how I act and how I come off. If somebody is playing around or "acting gay" I shove it off as if I am uncomfortable because I wouldn't wanna play along and get ideas going. If somebody asks me If I'm Gay? I will get angry.  

That's the thing. I'm irritated very easily and it does not take much to piss me off to be honest. I am very brutish in speech and in manner sometimes and its not a very attractive quality so I am sometimes very quiet and reserved because I am just tired of being mad. I know how to have a good time and laugh and talk but this is killing me inside and I can’t tell my family or friends.

I'm already brutally honest about how I feel overall but I lie so much when it comes to sexuality, in words and action. The worse part is I don't want it to be true that I'm gay because life is so much easier it seems, but these days yeah right. You cant even tell when you're gonna take your last breath.

I usually appear as a confident, strong-headed, no nonsense individual with a laid back, humorous side but I deep down inside I am soooooooooooo scared and lonely and depressed. The worst part about this is I know my mom will probably disown me. :(

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Rick

I was 4 years old, when I knew of this "difference." What I also knew what that that this "difference" wasn't okay.  As a south Asian male, living in western Canada, I was the "minority within a minority." Throughout my entire childhood I kept this aspect of "me" silent, not even considering myself a part of the gay community.  

There were a lot of pressures associated with this "silence” First, in order to do this, I had to try to fit something complete foreign to me, which was the stereotypical heterosexual male in western society.  I did the things my friends did:  I played sports, I teased girls in early childhood, and when I got into high school, I chased after girls.

However, there was a big barrier to this strategy.  Because fitting this expected image was completely opposite to my true internal identity, it never felt right.  I chased girls, but never wanted to.  I guided my education, thinking that I needed to eventually provide for a family.  I never felt like I wanted to support a family, well not a heterosexual one.  

Because I never felt successful in this image, because it just didn't "feel right." But because I didn't have the space to freely explore the opposite, I felt extreme pressure to conform.  Eventually I needed to cope, so I started using.  It helped for a short while, but wore off quick.  Eventually it only caused me grief.  

Eventually the pressure of having this secret and trying to "perform" this image was too much.  I needed to find someone safe to tell and I had to get it out in the open.  Looking at all of my friends, I started to look at people I knew that would support me in this.  

What did this mean?

Well I started by creating a list of places that I felt safe and connected.  

For example:

School (I had a teacher that was always accepting me and trying to help me, even when I would fail some of his assignments)
My best friends place (I always could go to his place, no matter what time and no matter what I did.  He would always welcome me in)
My youth clinic (The doctor here was awesome.  No matter how I showed up to his office; drunk or high, he would let me in and be totally cool.)
Youth centre (they were always accepting - I mean it's their job!  Also, I have seen pride flags in their office. So, I knew they would be cool.  And my youth clinic is there too!)

I weighed all of the people and places I felt safe and connect and decided to tell someone.  But before that, I needed to put in some serious thought.  I needed to think of first, how would I feel right after I told someone?  What would I feel the next day?  What would I feel the next week even?

Also, how would I feel right after, the next day, or the next week, if I didn't say anything at all?

Eventually, after weighing all of the safety concerns and how much I needed to come out, I decided to tell me doctor.

Thank God for his reaction.  He said he suspected it for some time and was waiting to see if I would "come out."  For the next couple of week, we talked a lot about what I had gone through before coming out.  It felt great to actually talk about it.  

When I told him it was tough trying to fit something else, he asked me "Well, what do you think fits you?"

I had never thought about this and now that I was asked, I was kind of excited that I could think about it.  I started to explore all of the things I wanted to do, because for once, I had an area of my life that I wasn't pressured to fit something else.  I was free to explore what I wanted, and now that I knew that I was accepted somewhere, I had support to back me up!

The rest is history folks.  I am now a youth counsellor and work on programs for LGBT youth.  It's a lot of fun and a lot of pressure.  But I do well with pressure:  I mean, I had to freakin deal with it for so many years.  I ought to be good at dealing with it by now!

For people in or out of the close I say this, "just because you are in, you are not weak."  It takes strength to live with the pressures associated with being in the closet.  There is a lot at stake: family, friends, livelyhood, and even personal safety.  Always think of your safety when deciding what to do with your sexuality.  What will happen now or later and who will be most affected?

All the power to you.

Take care everyone and best of luck!

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Kelsey

My name is Kelsey. I’m 15 years old.  God is a HUGE part of my life. I guess you could call me a “Jesus freak,” most of the people I know classify me as that.

    I’ve known I was attracted to girls FOR SURE for about four years. It tore me up inside, knowing that I was a lesbian and keeping it quiet, but at the same time hearing all of my best friends, who are my church friends, make homophobic slurs hurt more.
    
    Lately, I have felt like God has really been talking to me. About two weeks ago I came to this epiphany that, even though I’m not straight, God would always love me.

    Two days ago, I was the Lay Reader at my church. I had this gut feeling that I would have to read a Bible verse that in some way pertained to homosexuality. The fact that the verse was about homosexuality was a very big push for me and I took that as a direct sign from God, be that the case or not.
    
    Yesterday, I was in the car with my mom. We were driving to Barnes and Noble, and I mentioned to her that I was planning on taking part in the Day of Silence at my high school. After I had explained to her what that was, she asked me if “by any chance” I was gay. I told her that you don’t have to be gay to do the Day of Silence, but even if I was I didn’t think it mattered. She agreed, but still wanted to know. So I just told her. I was shaking from head to toe. After we got past the immediate awkwardness of the moment, everything seemed ok. We even started to joke about it.
    
    My sister has known for awhile about my sexuality, and I have cousins who know, and I think one even told the rest of my family in a drunken stage that he was in. I was annoyed at first with this, but at least I don’t have to do it now.
    
    The hardest thing for me to do was to accept myself. Being surrounded constantly by people that hate you, but don’t even know they hate you yet is hard. I’ve only come out to two of my church friends, both girls. They accepted it fully and wholly and love me even more for it. I know the rest won’t accept me the same way.
    
I’m thankful for the loving family that I have. I wouldn’t trade them for the world, and I wouldn’t change who I am or who I love. Ever. 

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Anon

I'm 21 and a lesbian. I came all out about 4 months ago. Coming out for me was extremely difficult, I had always been interested in girls but never faced the truth. Eventually I met someone and things just fell right into place. I was on top of the world and finally felt like myself. The only problem was that I couldnt share my happiness with the people I loved. I was ashamed to be myself. And afraid of rejection and my friends distancing themselves from me. But I went all out and told my best friend, which then led to my parents, brothers, other friends. I am now closer to everyone. I have developed bonds with my friends and family that is stronger than its ever been. Go for it. Don't be afraid. If people decide they dont want to be your friend anymore they were never your friend in the first place. Life is entirely too short to stay hidden in a closet. Embrace life, and learn to love. I never knew love was such an amazing feeling until I let myself do it. Life is perfect.

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Greg

Hi, my name is Greg and I’m 20. I was around 14 when I realize that I’m gay. The first people that I told my news to was my closest friends in high school, they all accepted it very well, and almost forgot all of my closest friends in high school were girls, after I came out to them one of my friends came to me that she’s a lesbian. At every lunch hour we all talked about guys.
 
    The next group of people that I came out to was the football team and the coaches, I played high school football for 3 years. They all accepted my sexuality really good too and the football team liked the news because there is more homophobic people in the school than gay-friendly people, so the football team now has someone to protect at school. So shortly after I came out to my friends and my team mates, I came out to the entire school and people tried to “gay bash” me but it didn’t happened to me because of the football team had my back but no one really cares about my sexuality because people don’t want to mess with the football team. So I was well protected for the rest of my high school years.
 
    Now I’m working towards coming out to my parents.

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Wayne

The absolute WORST way to tell your parents that you're gay or bi is through anger. Nothing good can come of it. I learned this the hard way, unfortunately.

My parents and me were arguing about something (I honestly don't remember what it was), and it was kind of my way of getting at them by telling them. I was younger then, certainly more foolish. For the first month after I told them, my dad wouldn't talk to me, and my mom kept telling me to put my faith in God so that he'd fix me.

Accordingly, I stopped really communicating with my parents. I used to tell my mom everything, and me and my dad would talk about how our days went, just random stuff like that. After all of it stopped though, they eventually came and apologized to me for having treated me so badly about it.

This is what my mom told me: "We're old Wayne. This is a completely new concept for us. You're just going to have to give us time to accept it, is all. We love you very much, and don't ever doubt that."

So, in the end, it all worked out pretty well I'd say. 

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Makale

I am 21 and being a lesbian in the state of Utah is difficult. I was raised in a Mormon household. I have all sisters and I graduated with only 50 kids in my class. Lesbians were kind of unheard of in my small town. I was in denial almost the entire time I was in high school. I would find myself checking out girls, but I wouldn't admit to myself that I was doing that because I was attracted to them. It wasn't until I had my first love with a girl named Lindsey my freshman year in college that I knew I could be happy with accepting me. Since we broke up, I'm getting insecure again. BUT I am holding my head high and trying to be more out. My first big move is being the LGBT president on campus. When the college has a meeting with all the presidents from other clubs, I make sure I am the most classy, polite girl there.

I first came out to my sisters first when I was 18. They are all very supportive. My dad is sad because he thinks me being with a guy would be more beneficial, I haven't exactly said, "Dad I'm a lesbian" but he knows. My mom is sad because I don't think she wants people to know she has a gay daughter. They still love me, I am the same girl they raised, and I try to make them proud in other ways.

I think that sometimes the hardest thing is to accept yourself, but once you do, it will make you happier. I remind myself everyday that it is not wrong to love another human being. God put us on this earth to love, we should be proud we can love just as strong as anyone else, if not stronger.

Coming out to friends and family is a huge step. I feel it is good to make sure the timing is right. Even waiting til your out of the house and on your own, unless you feel it would be better for you to do it sooner. I just know that with me, coming out at the age that I did allowed my parents to have more excuses for it such as it was just a phase or I as doing it for attention. It has became lots better in the last three years. The dating here sucks though, but if I exist, then someone out there has to be similar. Keep your chin up!

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.

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Nathan

I am Nathan, 15, and Gay. I have known this since I was about 5 years old. I\'ve rejected the idea, my parents raise me to believe it was wrong and that it wasn\'t what god wanted. My parent\'s are Christian/Other parent\'s and I felt like I was trapped in my own home. I knew that there had been one other homosexual in my family, my aunt. I had some idea of to call her and ask her what her opinion she had of it. I decided not to. Instead I reached Junior High. In 7th I was still a bit confused and was trying to force myself to be straight, for my parents and family of course. I realized in 8th grade I wasn\'t really comfortable with the title \"Straight\" and so I thought..\"Maybe it\'s okay if I am bi?\"  I went by this for a few months, but realized it just wasn\'t going to happen, I then changed to gay. I had not told anyone, and no one expected it either. I am the typical \"football player\" body build, so no one even had the slightest idea I was gay. I then told my closest friend at the time, Miranda. She had been a very understand, accepting person about the matter. From that point on I was just gaining more an more confidence about the matter, and soon, my teachers and siblings knew, as well as all of my friends. I turned 15, and about 3 months after my birthday, I decided to tell my parents. They were by far, the people who took it the worst. I wasn\'t ready, and I wish I could have done it later. All I was thinking of when I did it was \"I am tired of living a lie, hopefully I will get some respect.\"  Wrong, everything went downhill. They treated me like an alien for almost a week, wouldn\'t let me talk to my friends, and then one night..my dad took my for a ride in the jeep. He told me he understand I could be confused, and that it is probably just peuberty. I was thinking in my mind \"No, I have known for years.\" I didn\'t say it of course though ha! My parents are giving me my respect now though, not saying the hurtfull comments they were saying before. I am now openly gay, to all. My school knows, as well as my friends, parents, etc. I now help my friends who are confused come to realize who they really are :)

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Peter

Hello my name is Peter. I am 25 years old and i love in Marietta, Ga with my parents and brother. When I was a young boy about ten years old. I had a friend named Johnny. He was 15 and very handsome. One day while we were riding our bikes around the street of my neighborhood in NY I told him that i liked him. He stopped for a minute ran over to me and asked me what I said. I told him again \"I like you Johnny\". He said why are you telling me this? I said because your my best friend your a good friend. He said well if you shout stuff out like that they are going to call the cops on you for acting like a weirdo. So after that he moved away. 5 years later I met a girl named Jessika. She became my best friend too. We began to date and everything was nice. Until she told me that we cant see eachother anymore,I\'m sorry but we can still be friends? That killed me inside. the one girl i loved with all my heart broke up with me. I asked her how come we\'re breaking up she said. We\'re breaking up because I see you looking at other guys. If you want to tell me something just say it. I said I think they are good looking that doesnt prove anything. After me and my gf broke up I started to take a closer look at guys. Some of them looked great but were total jerks. Others were okay looking and the sweetest guys ever. So I started a Myspace.com account when I was 18 and I got a response from a really nice cute black guy. so we started talking and i felt a rush come over me as if to say its ok your doing nothing wrong. So I met him in person after i got my Driver\'s Licence and said \"Id like to take you out to dinner. I was so happy being with him that I just kissed him on his lips. Later that month I came out to my dad. I told him that i went on a date with a great guy and he said that if hes such a great guy live with him because i dont want that werid S*** in my house! Leave and dont come back. So i had a few friends who i could stay with at the time. Later i got a call from my mom telling me i talked to your father and hes still upset but come home you know i\'ll always love you. so i came back home and my mom gave me a hug and a kiss and said I love you and i accept you for you. a few years later my dad gave me a hug and said i accept you for you too. and that was a few days like 3 days before christmas. it was scary and also really happy for me coming out to the world.

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Melissa

I grew up in a household where religion is a major factor.  Religion is what guides my entire family and keeps us together.  Within this religion, homosexuality is out of the question.  I love to worship God and to do the right thing.  My "problem" started when I realized about a year ago that I was more attracted to women than to men.  Although I still feel an attraction for both, the one I have for women is much stronger.  I have fallen for two very wonderful and beautiful girls and was going through an internal struggle of epic proportions.  I wanted to put God first and to do the right thing but I couldn't hide my feelings.  

This last week end I decided to come out even with the fear that my father would be raging and my mother would be weeping, I went ahead and gave it a chance.  Their reaction?

They both told me that it is common to feel that way.  They said that it was alright.  They completely understood me.  That gave me the necessary push to come out to my best friend and a few other very close friends and they all reacted beautifully even with the taboo and social stigma attached to being bisexual.  I admit this is one of the most difficult things I have had to do in my life but coming out with it helps in many ways.  You learn how to identify yourself and to be happy with who you are.  It is true that the religious thing will always be a struggle but just know that during there hard times is when you need your friends and family the most.  Don't give up and always keep strong.  Keep your head held high.  Hey, you are human.  Be proud

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Edi

hi my name is edgar i live in caliornia. well for me it was hard coming out. iam 20 right now i came out last year with all my friends and just recently with my mom. you see the thing that for me was the hardest thing to do was accepting the fact that i was gay, yet it seemed so hard because i wanted to be normal like all the others but as time went on i graduated high school and i can say it was the most painful time in my life. i still culdnt manage to accept. it wasnt until i begun working that i saw an old friend he asked me if i wanted to go out dancing i said why not so when they picked me up to my surprise he told me he was gay aswell as his cousin in the back seat. he told me that we were going to a gay club. i was astonished and honestly a little embarresed. he asked me when we got off the car if i was gay because he said he had that vibe that i was. so still not accepting i said iam bi which to me was a big step though i lied. as that night went along i see from across the dance floor my manager and he comes over to say hi. i was embarressed as scared, yet he came to me as if i was just as normal as he was. he said he was here with his friend and because they know the dj. well as time went on i was sort of accepting that i was gay. then one night at work one o my cowrkers asks me in front of everyone if i was gay since our conversation lead to that question. i was on the spotligh and i feared the rejection but inside me somthing told me just to blur it out, but all that came out was no comment. i guess that was enough to really say i was. i finally accpeted it when those words were out and as then this huge pressure was off i wasnt going to hide it anymore i was what i was and for those who like it thank you. well i finally told everyone at work that i was gay. for my surprise they accepted me and cared for me a lot more. though i was out to everyone after that my family didnt know yet, so i had to take the huge risk of doing it. i told my brother  which was 14 at the time. he told me that my life was my life not to worry that he would love me no matter what. then it was in august of this year that i took my mom out to breakfeast and i came out. her smile is still burned inside my mind her words of kindness caressed my aching thouts. she said no matter what comes upon us you will alwyas be my son and this diening love for you will always remain strong and the same. the whole point of this story isnt to bore you its for you to understand that indeed your friends will always be there for you they will always accept you if they care for you. but your familiy is somthing that you always end up back to. no matter if you try to hide it or if you try to move away there presence and there roots will follow you till the end. though i didnt have such a hard time like many did. i still have my dads rejection, but no matter what he says or what he does he will always be my father in blood.   

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Mark

I'm Mark, 16 and im gay. I live in probably one of the most homophobic cities in England, and life was hard for several years. I remember being around 10 and having a crush on a certain boy in my class, but ignoring it and thinking all boys were feeling the same. It was only when i went into year 7 that I started to noticed it more, mainly because i went to an all boys school. I was in form class for half an hour every day with boys a lot older than me, some 16 years old. They would say things to make like queer fag etc, all the typical ones.

    I didn't really know what it meant at this point, but i thought it was bad because everyone around me was so negative towards it. I remember one time, i was 13, and i kinda fancied my cousins boyfriend, and tried my best to avoid any kind of sexual fantasy about him. It was when i was 13 that i really tried not to be gay, and to just be what everyone else considered normal. This, of course didnt work. I tried everything any one in my situation would, lesbian porn, magazines, forcing myself to like girls. But nothing changed. It was only when i was around 14 that i accepted it. It was in the shower, I just started crying one day and saying to myself 'I'm gay'. I had finally came out to myself.
  In school I hung around with the typical gays, the ones who accepted me and were my best friends and supported me. One day one of my friends came out to me and told me he was bi, over msn, which in my view is one of the best ways to come out. It was about february 2008, and it was the day i realised that my friends were my world, and I could pretty much rely on them for anything, and they could rely on me. I wasnt out at this point, but after he'd told all of us he was bi, and everyone was absolutely fine with it, another friends also came out was bi. So after about a week of thinking it over, i was on msn one night (around 2am) and decided i was gunna do it.

  I told the person i considered to be my closest friend at that point, i told him that i wasnt straight, and that i wanted to tell him in person, but he refused to leave msn until i told him. So i just said it to him 'Im gay' and it was absolutely fine, then he told another of my friends, minutes later, and he popped up to me also, saying how fine he was with it. Then eventually all my friends found out, it was fine, i was too happy. Coming out to my friends was probably one of the best experiences of my life. I could be me, and they would know the reason.

  Up to now i havn't came out to my family, and dont intend to because they are all narrow minded homophobes, although they all assume i am, my parents have always avoided the topic. My plan is to move away to university and see as little of them as possible.
So thats basically my story, if you think you want to come out, come out to your close friends first, they will be there for you if they are true friends. :]

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Alex

im 16 and i came out to one of my good friends 3 days ago. i had no intention of coming out to anyone ever, i just didnt want to deal with what would happen if i did. so me and my friend were just hanging out and talking and somehow it got to the point were i admited i liked someone. she went crazy because thats the first time i had ever admitted to her that i liked someone. she then started to interigate me trying to figure out who it was. i told her that i wasnt going to tell her because that would mean i would have to tell her im a lesbian. then she said that shed tell me who she liked if i told her who i liked but i declined because i was scared of what she would think if i told her i liked girls and not guys. but she kept egging me on to tell her so i finally did and it was the scariest thing i have ever done in my whole life. right when i told her that i didnt like guys i told her not to freak out. she said she wasnt freaked out but i didnt believe her because their was no way she could be that ok with me being gay. she said that she wasnt freaked out at all and she thought it was cool and she genuinely did. she also said she was so freakin happy i told her and thought it was so awesome. she was so ok with it and it didnt change our friendship at all it made us alot stronger im very glad i told her because now i have someone to talk to about all my girl troubles. telling her also made me accept myself more and i actually want to tell more of my friends now.

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Meaghan

My name is meaghan, Im 13 and im bi. I havent came out yet, mostly because im afraid to tell my dad. He has always thought it was weird to be gay,lesbian,or bi. I did to along time ago. I never would have thought i would be bi. But i am. I have dated guys and they are still sexually apealing to me, but so are girls.  And then one night i was at my best friends house for a sleepover all the other girls slept in her living room and we slept in her bed (which was realy small). She asked if i wanted to experiment with her and I said sure. We touched each other and started kissing. It just felt like it was right. Neither mine or her parents know that we are bi. we still go to each others houses and make out when we are sure no one is gonna walk into our rooms. Im still afraid to tell my family cause i know they wont think im serious at first and when they know im serious i know they will still love me but my dad would be shocked and dissapointed. I guess what im trying to say is if your scared, talk to the person you think will understand the most ( some adult who is straight). Even if you think your parents might be dissapointed you should do what makes you happy. Live your life the way you want to.

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Alex

Frankly speaking, life is not an easy stream for individuals having a different sexual orientation. I have experienced the inconveniences, the rejection and the atrocities of the so-called straight guys who always like to show their superiority and arrogance over the weak ones. Actually these guys think that they are well accepted in the society and are not among the minorities, so they can do whatever they want without being judged or criticized for their wrong actions.

I was 12 years old when i was admitted for the first time in a private secondary boys college. That day i felt lonely, as i usually frequented girls in a mixed primary school. Everything went on smoothly the first day, until i met Pedro who discovered my girlish behavior and shared it with other classmates. From that day all the students of my class started treating me as a "Pufter" and named me " Maggy". Fortunately i had two friends, in the same class who were gay and supported me emotionally, but they were even being mentally and physically tortured by the naughty college boys. Slowly the rumors came out from one class to another. They used to throw bottles caps on us, treat us as aliens and told the teachers about our homosexuality. I admit it was not that easy to bear their attitudes towards us. Nevetheless, i mustered courage, managed and stuggled to pass my exams and eventually got out from that troublesome adolescence world to a professional one, where i met a guy whose name is Santiago.

He appreciated me, for what i am and give me lots of love and affection. It was not an easy adventure, but with patience and courage, we certainly achieve higher grounds. My message to all the gays, is that one must not discourage and bother about what others think about you, but, one must live his life freely without fearing about the others. Certainly your future will be brighter and maybe lots of opportunities and possibilities will come out. "We are not born gays, but it's the society who treat us as gays". We have our rights like any human being and we have to fight.

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